For lo, I am the curious one

[wispfox]

[Poll #1062427]

I will take the poll and put my thoughts in comments, too, so no one gets biased. ;)

Comments

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I think that the preference data is part of the information that is necessary for the suggestions to be completely clear, and it is strange to wait to give that part of the information.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Two reasons I can think of that I would wait to give that part of the information:

1) My preference is slight enough that I don't want the other person to be biased by it if theirs is stronger.
2) (more likely) I've only just thought up those suggestions and haven't yet figured out which one(s) I'd prefer, but figure I should go ahead and list them so we can start figuring it out together.

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

yes, that. and generally, when someone is offering up multiple suggestions, i tend to *prefer* it when they indicate a preference, but i don't always expect it.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

I am inconsistent. If I am still brainstorming and trying to figure out what the options are, I will start listing options and expect the other person to help generate options. I will not include preference data -- because not all the options are there yet! and so I can't possibly rank them by preference yet.

If there are a limited number of options -- say, "Do you want to go to the movies or not?" I will generally give my preference to each option, either after I list them or (occasionally) during. But even there I still want to get a feel for the other persons' opinions uninfluenced, and so I may leave my preference understated.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

2) Aaaaah. Yes, good point.

[dancingwolfgrrl.livejournal.com]

I often don't offer preference data, I think because if I have a strong preference, I'm more likely to just say "Can we have Indian for dinner?"

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I begin to suspect two things:

1) that I will only default to expecting preference data along with suggestions if I am not completely socially functional (likely, considering my week!).

2) It will depend somewhat on type of communication medium. IM is my least favorite medium, due to lack of body language & tone data, plus being realtime. So my communications skills automatically suffer a penalty for using IM for communication. (which can be coped with depending on how well who I am talking to and I know each other, but is likely something I should try to keep in mind)

Also, I may not necessarily be able to _tell_ that things are still in brainstorming state. Especially on IM. Especially if I was extremely confused. :) (yes, I'm pretty sure you did in fact flag in a way which should have implied brainstorming, but which I completely did not notice)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

And _this_ would generally confuse me less. :)

(but then, I'd decided a while ago that you will tend to be clear enough for the way my brain works to fail to confuse me, for the most part)

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

I was brought up to think that immediately offering your own preferences would unduly influences the decisions of others, so it's polite to offer choices and see if the other person has preferences first. However, if we are short on time or if I know the person I'm talking with won't mind my voicing my preferences (or, indeed, would prefer it), then I try to override this training.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

2) Yes, all of those things. I agree completely. I was also at lowest ebb mentally, plus stressed and distracted at work, so...hence confusion. (Did I flag brainstorming? who knows)

Anyway, meww.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Hmm! Noted. :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

(also, cute icon!)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

brainstorming flagging: Yes, you did. I don't think you usually describe suggestions as 'crazy ideas'. Do you? Maybe you do! I could be totally wrong. :)

(Mew!)

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

Well, then I totally blame you. It's all your fault. You're a bad, bad, bad little girl and I will send you to your room.

(Did you read I'm OK yet? :-P)

Oh, wait, you have the internet in your room. What kind of a punishment was that, anyway? I never really understood. Maybe for extroverts it sucks.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*snort* My room doesn't have the internet, actually. Or books! My room is kinda boring.

And no, on reading I'm Ok yet. :)

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I have a combination of being brought up that way, and having extreme baggage (fading, but still there) from my first marriage, where my ex would often not have an opinion, say he didn't care, and it was up to me, then gripe if he didn't like my choice. So for me, it depends a lot on who I'm with. If it's someone I trust to be honest and give me clear limits (e.g. "I really dislike Indian food, so I'm okay anywhere that we can get vegetarian food that isn't Indian" or "I can't eat in that place that you suggested, I'm sorry -- it's just too loud there") I'll just be direct and say what interests me, or give a short list of places I'd like to eat. If I'm with someone who I think is more likely to say, "Oh, whatever, anything is okay," then complain, or quietly fuss, or look uncomfortable, I'm more likely to ask them for a short list of places they like, then I'll choose one I can deal with from within that.

Also, C&S: There are places I'd like to show you when either or both of you come out to visit. :)

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

There aren't many not-cute pics of her.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Makes sense what you do, when.

And yay, re places to show!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

True! But it was new and cute! ;)