(no subject)
Nov. 11th, 2003 09:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxThis became very long. I was ranty. I'm not even entirely sure why, since none of the things I was ranting about particularly affect me right now.
*shrug* I will lj-cut.
Mmm. Darkness and precipitation will decide me against going out to do stuff if I was waffling. I *hate* driving in the dark when it's precipitating.
I begin to suspect that I will not have enough voice, or at least will spend entirely too much time coughing should I attempt to sing, to go to Psinging Friday night. Which sucks.
But, it also means I'm wondering if there is anything else going on that I might like to go to, should I decide to be social but not go to Psinging. Anyone know of anything not highly intensive going on Friday night? I tend to not save info on stuff happening when I already have plans...
Worst case, I go home and relax. Relaxing is good.
There's something inherently strange about a society which thinks children should sit still for hours on end. It's stranger yet when one considers that caffeine is one of the most commonly used drugs, is one of the few available to pretty much anyone of any age with very little difficulty, and ridiculous numbers of kids are being diagnosed as ADHD. Well, of *course* they can't sit still for hours - children aren't *supposed* to! Go watch how the young of other species act, sometime...
Eh. Some people diagnosed with ADHD are valid diagnoses, I realize this. But, sheesh!
Here! Drink some coke! Now, go sit still for hours in classes that probably bore the hell out of you.
Mmmf.
The Golden Rule is horribly, horribly flawed.
Sure, it sounds great to treat everyone the way you want to be treated. But that idea completely ignores the fact that people vary. What one person needs desperately may be the precise thing that will slowly drive another person insane.
Trying to do for someone else what you would like done for you is ripe for unhappiness and confusion. It also makes it all to easy for people to not think to ask what someone else needs. All too often, things end up with both parties feeling unappraciated, misunderstood, and unloved.
Of course, often enough, this tactic is fine. The problem comes about when it's not fine - and neither party understands where the problem is, nor what needs to be done. If it never worked, no one would try to use it.
(Which incidentally, I think applies for a whole bunch of things that people do, but which when taken to extremes, cause problems. I suspect a *lot* of the problems people have are because they took a method that worked, and overused it. They stopped being able to act any other way, to adjust to situations)
Take an example where you have one person who, when faced with confusion or pain, needs desperately to talk about it. Suppose you have another whose reaction is to withdraw inside themselves to think about it. Giving the first person time is painful for them. The same goes for trying to encourage the second person to talk about it.
I realize that sometimes asking what someone needs won't help - people don't always know what they need. In which case, pay attention to their reaction should you decide to do whatever you would appreciate having done. And if you don't like their reaction, keep in mind that it may not be you, but simply that what you tried was not what they needed. Not appreciating your attempts to be helpful, regardless of whether or not those methods are something that has always worked for you, is not an attack on you or the fact that it works for you.
I like the golden rule in principle - it certainly tries to convey to the idea of trying to do for others as they need, especially considering that it's nearly impossible to know what other people need, and many people don't even *know* what they need.
But... for anyone who is someone one is at all close to, it's dangerous. Dangerous to assume that one necessarily knows what the correct response is, that what works for one person will work for another.
Talking about it can help quite a lot, even if the other person doesn't know. It might help them start looking for the answer, and may be able to help them at least explain what are *not* good things to do.
There's also the fact that sometimes what people need changes as they do. Because people most certainly do change.
And yes, I *do* realize precisely how difficult it can be to tell another person what you really, truly, want and need. Believe me, I understand exactly how scary that is, how vulnerable it can make you feel. And I do not at all claim to be amazing at it, nor at remembering to ask what another person needs. But it's still good to keep in mind.
It's good to keep in mind that it's not all about the intent. Intent helps, most certainly. But intent doesn't help much if what you keep attempting to do doesn't help, or makes things worse.
It's very, very unlikely that everyone you care about will have the same beliefs that you do about life, or the same needs and desires in times of stress. Or the same views on things you may think to be completely obvious, basic beliefs.
There is no common sense. There are very few widespread human truths, perhaps not any. Common sense is taught and learned, some picking it up much better than others. The 'truths' about what is good and what is not is taught, and in some cases figured out on one's own.
I don't know if I had a point here, aisde from ranting a lot. *shrug*
Sleep now. Enough random ranting for the evening.
Oh - and if I'm ranting, I probably don't really mean anything I said *quite* as definitively as it may have come across. I think I managed to find most of the excessively certain statements and reword them, though.
Hmm. I wonder how many people reading here didn't realize that I ranted?
*shrug* I will lj-cut.
Mmm. Darkness and precipitation will decide me against going out to do stuff if I was waffling. I *hate* driving in the dark when it's precipitating.
I begin to suspect that I will not have enough voice, or at least will spend entirely too much time coughing should I attempt to sing, to go to Psinging Friday night. Which sucks.
But, it also means I'm wondering if there is anything else going on that I might like to go to, should I decide to be social but not go to Psinging. Anyone know of anything not highly intensive going on Friday night? I tend to not save info on stuff happening when I already have plans...
Worst case, I go home and relax. Relaxing is good.
There's something inherently strange about a society which thinks children should sit still for hours on end. It's stranger yet when one considers that caffeine is one of the most commonly used drugs, is one of the few available to pretty much anyone of any age with very little difficulty, and ridiculous numbers of kids are being diagnosed as ADHD. Well, of *course* they can't sit still for hours - children aren't *supposed* to! Go watch how the young of other species act, sometime...
Eh. Some people diagnosed with ADHD are valid diagnoses, I realize this. But, sheesh!
Here! Drink some coke! Now, go sit still for hours in classes that probably bore the hell out of you.
Mmmf.
The Golden Rule is horribly, horribly flawed.
Sure, it sounds great to treat everyone the way you want to be treated. But that idea completely ignores the fact that people vary. What one person needs desperately may be the precise thing that will slowly drive another person insane.
Trying to do for someone else what you would like done for you is ripe for unhappiness and confusion. It also makes it all to easy for people to not think to ask what someone else needs. All too often, things end up with both parties feeling unappraciated, misunderstood, and unloved.
Of course, often enough, this tactic is fine. The problem comes about when it's not fine - and neither party understands where the problem is, nor what needs to be done. If it never worked, no one would try to use it.
(Which incidentally, I think applies for a whole bunch of things that people do, but which when taken to extremes, cause problems. I suspect a *lot* of the problems people have are because they took a method that worked, and overused it. They stopped being able to act any other way, to adjust to situations)
Take an example where you have one person who, when faced with confusion or pain, needs desperately to talk about it. Suppose you have another whose reaction is to withdraw inside themselves to think about it. Giving the first person time is painful for them. The same goes for trying to encourage the second person to talk about it.
I realize that sometimes asking what someone needs won't help - people don't always know what they need. In which case, pay attention to their reaction should you decide to do whatever you would appreciate having done. And if you don't like their reaction, keep in mind that it may not be you, but simply that what you tried was not what they needed. Not appreciating your attempts to be helpful, regardless of whether or not those methods are something that has always worked for you, is not an attack on you or the fact that it works for you.
I like the golden rule in principle - it certainly tries to convey to the idea of trying to do for others as they need, especially considering that it's nearly impossible to know what other people need, and many people don't even *know* what they need.
But... for anyone who is someone one is at all close to, it's dangerous. Dangerous to assume that one necessarily knows what the correct response is, that what works for one person will work for another.
Talking about it can help quite a lot, even if the other person doesn't know. It might help them start looking for the answer, and may be able to help them at least explain what are *not* good things to do.
There's also the fact that sometimes what people need changes as they do. Because people most certainly do change.
And yes, I *do* realize precisely how difficult it can be to tell another person what you really, truly, want and need. Believe me, I understand exactly how scary that is, how vulnerable it can make you feel. And I do not at all claim to be amazing at it, nor at remembering to ask what another person needs. But it's still good to keep in mind.
It's good to keep in mind that it's not all about the intent. Intent helps, most certainly. But intent doesn't help much if what you keep attempting to do doesn't help, or makes things worse.
It's very, very unlikely that everyone you care about will have the same beliefs that you do about life, or the same needs and desires in times of stress. Or the same views on things you may think to be completely obvious, basic beliefs.
There is no common sense. There are very few widespread human truths, perhaps not any. Common sense is taught and learned, some picking it up much better than others. The 'truths' about what is good and what is not is taught, and in some cases figured out on one's own.
I don't know if I had a point here, aisde from ranting a lot. *shrug*
Sleep now. Enough random ranting for the evening.
Oh - and if I'm ranting, I probably don't really mean anything I said *quite* as definitively as it may have come across. I think I managed to find most of the excessively certain statements and reword them, though.
Hmm. I wonder how many people reading here didn't realize that I ranted?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
hmmmmm
Date: 2003-11-11 08:24 pm (UTC)me thinks that the caffine in school for sitting long periods is a very valid and often ignored plight of the teachers. How many folks here actually can remember getting the "ration" of pop or soda growing up or was it handed out like a glass of water?
I grew up with the real juice, milk, decafe tea or water choices and Pop was the rarity at home ... school had milk, choco milk, juice and water... whats this coke crap in elementary school???? For cryin out loud its dehydrating their brains and they won't drink the tap water or the drinkin' fountain either (oooooh coottieess) there are more dangers in that there coke then the same amount of water from the tap you uppity child go back to class.
I'm not ranting at you just visualizing a Dennis Miller councellor talking to a kid who just got in trouble for being to "disruptive" and was walkin into the councellors office with a coke in hand too.
as for the last "rant" may i dangerously think that I am the seed that caused this one to take root in your mind? Perspective (reasuring grin) you gotta love a fresh perspective.
I like then because they make me think. I may not agree with them 10 or even 100% but i like what they make me think about thruought the day.....
and its also allows this to occur and then you endup giving me something to ponder as i wind down and think on over night :>)
that is *IF* it was the lucky starter log for that firey rant (mischevious grin)sp
no subject
Date: 2003-11-12 10:19 am (UTC)Hell, my massage therapist has heard it (of course, she's also had more strange conversations with me than that one. Yay for unexpectedly open-minded massage therapists!). Made for an entertaining conversation, since she'd not thought about it quite that way before.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-12 10:55 am (UTC)If we stretch our minds then the abilty to wrap our minds around deeper and more *heavy* topics increases our understanding of the world we inhabit or ... coexist as a part of.
not just "feelin' like a number" as Bob Segar put it :>)
do you have a particular interest in "Chi" as related to the wonders that are the weekly massage? or is it something else?
no subject
Date: 2003-11-13 01:07 pm (UTC)And.... I'm not understanding the connection between Chi and massages, at least in terms of what precisely you're asking. I do know what Chi is. And I can see how massages would relate. But I don't understand the question. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-11-13 06:37 pm (UTC)The CHI (pronounced Chee OR Key for some folks) just to make sure we are on the same page (vocalizing this is sooo much easier for my brain) (smirks)
Okay some training regiments have a heavier historical leaning from the Eastern perspective on massage and energy flow(Chi). So to goto a monthly massage and have your Chi worked on as well, is more of a metaphysical massage while getting the physical one at the same time.
By working with the areas of the different parts of the bodys energy flow (minor internal tangent) [some say Schakras are that same thing as Chi, I don't remember who or what culture says so or what not] some talk of Schakra work *While* getting a massage but, that isn't the same from what I've experienced .....
so i was of the undeerstanding that CHi and schakra are different thing(or non things) and that's why i asked if you also had some Chi work done as it is a *Feeling* i get when ever i work on someone - whether its just a charlie horse or a legit full body massage i still *feel* the Chi working while i massage them... maybe i'm just mental - but, eh I'll freely admit to being the eternal optmysitc one of the family too so there...
hows that jumbled mush?
no subject
Date: 2003-11-20 02:00 pm (UTC)I believe that my massage therapist is at least somewhat also playing with energy during a massage, but that it is not particularly a conscious thing nor necessarily a major part of the massage.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-20 02:50 pm (UTC)