[brains]

[wispfox]

It's... odd to be told, after one has spent 10-15 minutes whining about reasons to be frustrated with things (nothing new, y'all), that one doesn't get frustrated.

Apparently, the fact that I said things like that I can cope, and then gave reasons why, was the reason for that statement.

But, well... if I _can't_ cope, I don't stay in situations that frustrate me. It's not healthy for me to stay, in that case.

So I guess it was not that I don't get frustrated, but that I don't stay with sources of frustration which are not worth the frustration.

I'm somewhat baffled by the idea of staying around sources of frustration, unless one's available opportunities truly don't allow any other behavior. But then, there's an awful lot of people who seem to think they just have no opportunities, where the truth is simply that they refuse to take them. (note that I am _not_ ignoring the fact that some people really _don't_ have other options, because they don't have the time/energy/money/etc in their life) So perhaps it's just that my idea of what is and is not an option, and what is and is not something I can cope with, is an unusual one. Not sure.

But fascinated!

Comments

Thinking out loud, as usual.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

I don't stay with sources of frustration which are not worth the frustration.

I think this is the heart of it; how you measure worth. How aggravating does a situation have to be before it isn't "worth it"? (How high is up?) How do you figure out the worth of a situation? Can you make that a rational balancing act, rather than just doing what you feel?

Now, I don't know you tremendously well; but in general you seem to me to be, and I use this term slightly oddly, a low-passion person. You get enthusiastic about things, but you don't get swept away by them as much as some other people. Passion, in the non-restrictive sense (i.e. not just sex/love), can be good or bad, but it always interferes with clear reasoning, and alters your perception of the worth of something. Passion sort of removes your ability to cope, and reason.

So, being able to dispassionately determine that a situation which has both good parts and bad parts is overall "good" or "bad" -- say, an imperfect or perhaps even unhealthy relationship -- is very difficult from the inside, and possibly impossible from the outside. I'm not sure what your honest reaction to such a complexly frustrating situations would be. You claim you walk away from them; but what about things that are sometimes frustrating and sometimes wonderful? Those are harder to call. When do you run out of ability to cope? How do you walk away from an entrenched situation? Is the unhappiness of being *out* of that situation worth the release of the unhappiness of being *in* that situation?

There's more to say here but (a) I don't want to be overbearing and (b) I should be doing work...

Re: Thinking out loud, as usual.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Passion sort of removes your ability to cope, and reason.

Yep. It's most of (all of?) why I dislike NRE.

You claim you walk away from them; but what about things that are sometimes frustrating and sometimes wonderful? Those are harder to call.

Well... duh. :)

When do you run out of ability to cope? How do you walk away from an entrenched situation? Is the unhappiness of being *out* of that situation worth the release of the unhappiness of being *in* that situation?

I have been known to stay far beyond the point when I should have left; I am prone to this if I'm stuck in a state of severe confusion. I have been known to leave as soon as I realize that something is actively unhealthy for me, because I'm unhappy more often than I am happy. I think that this is more healthy for me, and is what I hope I will do in the future.

As for the latter question, yes. I have never ever been in a situation where I was unhappy to the point of thinking I should leave - or doing so - such that the loneliness of being out of the relationship was worse than being in it.

Ditto with jobs I was actively unhappy with.

Interestingly, though, the majority of the topic - in the referenced conversation - was not relationships, but jobs. My friend is doing too damn much, is stressing out, and is watching health declining (having no health insurance is _NOT HELPING_). But because this is known, and because potential for improvement is visible in the future, my friend is sticking with it, even though said friend's sweetie is very worried and not really comprehending the whole 'stick with it in order to get to the improvements later on' idea.

Re: Thinking out loud, as usual.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

Job-relationships are really a lot like love-relationships in that way...