[brains, N*E]

[wispfox]

So, based on replies and on my replies to them, I'm beginning to wonder if it's not that I haven't tended to have both immediate attraction and nifty brain interest, but that I haven't allowed myself to. Or haven't realized what was going on (I _know_ I realize what's going on better when I get other people's perspective on things, and I've got people I tend to babble about things in general to, now).

I know I tend to try to reduce outward manefestation of N*E, simply because it feels... excessive _in_ my head, so probably is even more so when one is not in my head. I'm getting better at letting myself burble about people, though.

Hmm...

So maybe it's that I've tended to enforce compartmentalization of the two states, regardless of what would otherwise have happened. Or just that I didn't have words/awareness enough for it to have been imprinted on my memory as such. Or perhaps the fact that I tend to be far more verbal about things now, and more conscious about them (for both of which I thank alt.polyamory, in large part)...

Hmm.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'm actually attracted-enough-to-go-there, mentally, physically, and emotionally, to so few people that I often don't allow for it, and don't react positively to it, when it happens. :(

I get scared.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I get scared.

*nod* I suspect that I have tended to (indeed, I do _now_, even though I know the interest is mutual), as well. If nothing else, it's _damn_ overwhelming and distracting, which is... hard to deal with.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I find myself avoiding entirely, when that happens. I am such a scaredy cat about relationships, even vague new interests. This is especially true with women, but also true with men. "Ack, scary, run away!" I remind myself, lately, of me when I was much younger, and avoided relationships because I just didn't know how to handle myself in them. These days, I've had just enough unpleasant relationship experience that I'm gunshy about relationships, period.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

These days, I've had just enough unpleasant relationship experience that I'm gunshy about relationships, period.

*nod* I'm a bit gunshy about relationships, but it's easier now than it has been in the past because I finally trust my gut, and because I've done _so_ much work figuring myself out, fairly recently. (figuring myself out is a major part of being able to stick with decisions I make, so...) And, I'm entirely ok with taking time as I need it, which helps. Getting better at bowing out of early stages of developing relationships (of any sort, including friendship) also helps, although I doubt I'm terribly graceful about it yet. :)

I'm more likely to be gunshy about sex than relationships, most probably due to the fact that sex (and to some extent sexual behavior in general) causes some, but varying depending on amount of stimulous, amount of non-verbalness in me. Which, considering how verbal I tend toward being, means that it's a significant vulnerability thing.

Look! I ramble! ;)