[family]

[wispfox]

...

So, I've been reading a X-mas present from my parents which is my mother's father's autobiography, effectively. I never really felt like I knew him very well, and this is sorta changing that, in a weird kind of way.

And I just got email from my mom mentioning things like him asking for a DNR[1], and him being in the hospital (again), and such.

Unlike a bit over a year ago, when my father's mother died, I actually _do_ feel like I have a sense of, and therefore connection to, my maternal grandfather. Entirely because of the bibliography, though. I don't really have a sense of him _now_. I'm sort of in a weird emotional state right now.

[1] Do Not Resuscitate

Comments

[fourgates.livejournal.com]

Um, in my little corner of the universe, where things seem awfully dark and overly cold and a bit dreery lately, I would be wary of such emotionally heavy and taxing exercises. Unless it seemed pressing.

How does your mother deal with this? How do you feel about it?

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

I have mixed reactions :

1) Is it wise to go in that direction right now when you're tired, wrung out and unhappy?

2) Is it wise to *not* go in that direction with him in the hospital again right now?

I can well understand you'd be in a weird state right now.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I have mixed reactions :

1) Is it wise to go in that direction right now when you're tired, wrung out and unhappy?

2) Is it wise to *not* go in that direction with him in the hospital again right now?

I can well understand you'd be in a weird state right now.

Yep. Precisely.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Um, in my little corner of the universe, where things seem awfully dark and overly cold and a bit dreery lately, I would be wary of such emotionally heavy and taxing exercises. Unless it seemed pressing.

Quite, but that's only half the story. Go read australian_joe's reply...

How does your mother deal with this?

I don't know. I'm calling her tonight.

How do you feel about it?

I don't know. On one hand, the fact that I don't know him now, and am connecting with his autobiography (written in '93), means I'm unlikely to, say, go to his funeral. And the fact that, even if I were to visit while he's still alive, I would be unlikely to be able to form a connection with who he is now. I never had an easy time understanding him, so I doubt that's changed. Then again, the last time I saw him, I was a kid - and I suspect that he has similar difficulties with children that I have.

On the other hand, I feel like I'll miss something if I _don't_ try to get to know him before he's gone, in as much as I'm drawn to the sense of him I'm getting in his writing. And because of that, I feel like perhaps I _should_ try to visit.

I don't know.