[brains, relationships] Balance

[wispfox]

It's really very nice to have a relationship with a reasonable level of balance in the expression of emotions, and the expression of desire for connection and/or touch. (probably other things, too)

I did not realize exactly how much I needed it, nor how much I'd adjusted to never thinking it'd happen, until it happened. It's easier to let my impulses free when they are apparently mutual (or at least not going to weird anyone out). And it's easier to find words for and/or convince myself to say things when I'm not always the one who is saying them.

It's such an... _odd_ experience actually being able to _relax_ in a strongly emotionally intimate (and therefore highly vulnerable-making) relationship. I don't think I really realized I'd never done it before.

Comments

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

I have a mostly long slow smile, except for a bit of sad thinking about past-you.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Every so often I feel sad for past-mes, too. On the plus side, it _does_ mean that my life has continually improved as time has passed (with some dips as life had to beat me upside the head in order to teach me things - I'm getting better about that).

And yay for long slow smiles. ;)

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

It's fairly clear things have been improving - from things you've said, from looking at your early 2003 LJ. Yay!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*amused* And you're only looking at me as of a year ago!

Now try the thought that I changed a whole lot more dramatically in the year previous to that, post the breakup of my last serious relationship. _I_ barely recognize myself before all that change, sometimes.

(I do an awful lot of 'what was I thinking?!', immediately followed by an understanding of what I was thinking, combined with an awareness of just how well I did not know myself. And then I think about how much I still want to improve on!)