(no subject)
Jul. 15th, 2004 11:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxRandom bit of information for those who haven't been reading me long enough to already know this:
Regarding me and in-person interaction stuff... basically, unless I've developed a pretty good sense of a person, I am amazingly unlikely to be attempting to find time to interact with them individually. This can sometimes be developed online, and other times be developed by random in-person group interactions at things I was at for other reasons. (and, for those who are wondering - if there is interest on either of our parts in getting to know each other better in-person, it will almost certainly have followed from conversations we'd been having and therefore make _sense_, and not be completely out of the blue)
[edit: this paranthetical had said "(and, for those who are wondering - if you are someone I want to spend more time with, I _will_ tell you. There are multiple people reading this who can confirm this fact. ;)" - which is still accurate, but I think my rephrasing is more clear and better words for the concept I was trying to convey]
The vast majority of the reasoning behind this is the fact that I just don't have _time_ - some of the people I already know really well and whose company I tend to seek out haven't seen me in at least a month, if not more (example being the friend I hung out with tonight - he had not seen my hair purple, and it _isn't_ purple anymore because it's faded so much). The other part is that people I have no sense of are not real in my head, and are not comfortable enough for me to be seeking their company.
[edit - the below added for hopefully more clarity]
For the most part, I am very much _not_ wired for getting to know people intentionally unless they have entered my awareness already via online or more-than-in-passing in-person interactions.
I realize that most people get a sense of other people much more easily and quickly than I do, and that for most people contacting someone that they met in passing or know only through reading their journal about wanting more interaction is reasonable. In my head, it's not really all that reasonable, and will likely weird me out a little, if the contact is much more than 'hey, want to try to get to know you better' or 'you seem neat, are you at all interested in chatting more through email?'. It's especially likely to weird me out if the contact mentions specficially attempting to obtain time in-person. Both the 'chatting via email' and the 'getting to know better' don't feel like someone is asking for a huge amount - the first is email, which I don't feel pressured about generally, and the second is very very general and therefore an excellent way of getting into my awareness without freaking me out (much - depending on how much I've seen of the person in other contexts).
If I haven't been interacting with you a fair amount through some meeting or another, and/or have not mentioned that I want to try to interact with you more in-person, suggesting the idea of in-person hanging out will confuse and disturb me - as I tend to interpret it as individually unless it's stated otherwise. This is simply _true_, and I say it because I prefer to help people avoid doing things pretty much certain to make me uncomfortable with getting to know them better.
(this is apparently all refering to non-in-person types of indicating this. I am probably better with in-person things like this because I have at least some hope of getting a sense of what you are trying to ask in-person.)
Regarding me and in-person interaction stuff... basically, unless I've developed a pretty good sense of a person, I am amazingly unlikely to be attempting to find time to interact with them individually. This can sometimes be developed online, and other times be developed by random in-person group interactions at things I was at for other reasons. (and, for those who are wondering - if there is interest on either of our parts in getting to know each other better in-person, it will almost certainly have followed from conversations we'd been having and therefore make _sense_, and not be completely out of the blue)
[edit: this paranthetical had said "(and, for those who are wondering - if you are someone I want to spend more time with, I _will_ tell you. There are multiple people reading this who can confirm this fact. ;)" - which is still accurate, but I think my rephrasing is more clear and better words for the concept I was trying to convey]
The vast majority of the reasoning behind this is the fact that I just don't have _time_ - some of the people I already know really well and whose company I tend to seek out haven't seen me in at least a month, if not more (example being the friend I hung out with tonight - he had not seen my hair purple, and it _isn't_ purple anymore because it's faded so much). The other part is that people I have no sense of are not real in my head, and are not comfortable enough for me to be seeking their company.
[edit - the below added for hopefully more clarity]
For the most part, I am very much _not_ wired for getting to know people intentionally unless they have entered my awareness already via online or more-than-in-passing in-person interactions.
I realize that most people get a sense of other people much more easily and quickly than I do, and that for most people contacting someone that they met in passing or know only through reading their journal about wanting more interaction is reasonable. In my head, it's not really all that reasonable, and will likely weird me out a little, if the contact is much more than 'hey, want to try to get to know you better' or 'you seem neat, are you at all interested in chatting more through email?'. It's especially likely to weird me out if the contact mentions specficially attempting to obtain time in-person. Both the 'chatting via email' and the 'getting to know better' don't feel like someone is asking for a huge amount - the first is email, which I don't feel pressured about generally, and the second is very very general and therefore an excellent way of getting into my awareness without freaking me out (much - depending on how much I've seen of the person in other contexts).
If I haven't been interacting with you a fair amount through some meeting or another, and/or have not mentioned that I want to try to interact with you more in-person, suggesting the idea of in-person hanging out will confuse and disturb me - as I tend to interpret it as individually unless it's stated otherwise. This is simply _true_, and I say it because I prefer to help people avoid doing things pretty much certain to make me uncomfortable with getting to know them better.
(this is apparently all refering to non-in-person types of indicating this. I am probably better with in-person things like this because I have at least some hope of getting a sense of what you are trying to ask in-person.)
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no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 03:47 am (UTC)I'll hold my breath LOL. While I can totally understand that you might not have time nowadays... this comes across as very upper-crusty.
You didn't mean it that way, did you?
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 04:17 am (UTC)People who have shared interests, time, curiousity about each other and a dose of luck will find opportunities to learn more about each other. People who don't, won't. An explicit statement like wispfox' is saying the same thing but is more longwinded. Her post strikes me as pragmatic and preemptive rather than upper-crusty. :)
Apologies if I am acting like a posting connoiseur...
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 01:53 pm (UTC)Yes.
Trying to prevent people from inadvertantly weirding me out (and making me _highly_ unlikely to ever want to get to know them better) when it's pretty easy to avoid.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 01:52 pm (UTC)It's simply extraordinarily rare that people in whom I develop a sufficiently high awareness and interest level to seek them out mention interest in doing so before I do. It happens, but it's very rare. And I tend to be one for whom telling people the things that I think they need to hear (including interest in getting to know them better) as soon as I know it.
For the most part, I am very much _not_ wired to getting to know random people intentionally unless they have entered my awareness already via online or more-than-in-passing in-person interactions.
I realize that most people get a sense of other people much more easily and quickly than I do, and that for most people contacting someone abut wanting more interaction that they met in passing or only know from their journals is reasonable. In my head, it's not really all that reasonable, and will likely weird me out a little, if the contact is much more than 'hey, want to try to get to know you better' or 'you seem neat, are you at all interested in chatting more through email?'. Especially if the contact mentions specficially attempting to obtain time in-person. Both the 'chatting via email' and the 'getting to know better' don't feel like someone is asking for a huge amount - the first is email, which I don't feel pressured about generally, and the second is very very general and therefore an excellent way of getting into my awareness without freaking me out (much - depending on how much I've seen of the person in other contexts).
If I haven't been interacting with you a fair amount, and/or have not mentioned that I want to try to interact with you more in-person, suggesting the idea will confuse and disturb me.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 01:55 pm (UTC)it's more meaning (from what i gathered) that she's good at telling people what she wants/needs. if what she wants/needs is more time with someone than is currently being had, she will poke them soundly.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 01:58 pm (UTC)Usually. And... once I _have_ determined mutual interest in getting to know someone better and/or getting more time with them, it is no longer a problem to indicate interest in hanging out - and is in fact a very _good_ thing because it makes me less likely to wonder if my interest is one-sided.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-17 07:53 am (UTC)*highly amused*
That particular phrasing also reminds me of this Something Positive strip (http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp06182004.shtml), if only for the lines:
"if there's one thing she's good at, it's letting people know what she thinks of them. Loudly. If Aubrey was trying to distance herself emotionally from you, I don't think she's do it by moving out; she'd do it with Anti-tank Weaponry."
(I'm not at all trying to imply that
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 01:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 04:31 pm (UTC)I will say that I was pleased that you guys didn't flame my ass for posting my response in the first place. :)
-psg
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 05:26 pm (UTC)Which is why I wanted to modify the original post, since it's only really necessary to people who don't already know me. :)
I will say that I was pleased that you guys didn't flame my ass for posting my response in the first place. :)
That'd be... odd.
I tend to welcome constructive criticism, especially when it's put in a way that I can do something with it, because I _know_ I don't always manage to find the right words. So, indeed, thank you for replying with your confusions!
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 11:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 02:05 pm (UTC)Probably. And the fact that I have... three regular things going on right now (no, four!) makes it even more difficult for me to have time for both myself and other things. Especially if those things want to be yet another regular occurance! :)
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 03:01 pm (UTC)I can not only confirm that you had the brain when you were posting this, I can confirm that I had the brain when I met you. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 03:37 pm (UTC)"don't go anywhere, I'll be right back!"
"Wasn't planning to go anywhere!"
Or something along those lines. ;)
(actually, do you remember the word-for-word by any chance, because it was really _good_ wording!)
no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-16 08:14 pm (UTC)Ah, well. Still amuses me, word-for-word or not. ;)
no subject
Date: 2004-07-17 07:55 am (UTC)