brain bits
Jun. 25th, 2004 10:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxThe problem with being really fascinated by good/needed conversation is that I _always_ wake up completely for it (if, of course, it's possible for me to do), no matter what time of day it is. I don't _regret_ good conversation (gods, no!), but I'm certainly very very happy about having some time to sleep in tomorrow morning.
If nothing else, this weekend will be _busy_, so not being exhausted would be good. :)
I find it amusing that I can't quite write the way I speak, or no one would ever know what I'm trying to say. Something about rarely actually _finishing_ sentences that I start, since people tend to know what I'm saying before I manage to finish. Hell, half the time I don't actually manage to successfully _start_ my spoken sentences. I can't figure out how I ever communicated at _all_ before I typed everything - in fact, I'm not entirely sure I _did_, at least not very well.
Much as it may slightly weird me out to have the idea of 'doing everything right' applied to me (it does! Partly because it implies doing these things consciously, and partly because it's going to be more than a bit of a shock when I finally _don't_ do something 'right'), it _also_ means I fight impulses less, since the things I do instinctively are what's right. Which is interesting, partly because I think of myself as one who fights impulses more or less constantly (regardless of how much that comes across to people not in my head).
I also seem to no longer be able to relax into any kind of relationship if the other people/person involved are not relaxed into it/them. Probably a defense mechanism (uncertain relationships are _not_ good for my mental health!), but it certainly complicates things. I appear to need to be able to _know_/feel/sense/experience the other people/person's comfort in order to _be_ comfortable. Makes me wonder how the hell I _ever_ find people I'm comfortable with, really! Does explain why not being able to read people completely fucks with my comfort around them, though. (and I still want to know why I refer to sensing of emotions as 'tasting'. 'Tis odd, since sensing of emotions is a _very_ strong thing for me, and taste is _not_)
Yeah, ok. I think that's all of what my brain wanted to be contemplating today. (see, the thing about conversation is that it sparks this kind of stuff in my head, and very generically - doesn't matter who the conversation was with, nor the context. My brain will just grab things that it finds interesting or strange, and run with them. And will try to find 'why's of them.)
If nothing else, this weekend will be _busy_, so not being exhausted would be good. :)
I find it amusing that I can't quite write the way I speak, or no one would ever know what I'm trying to say. Something about rarely actually _finishing_ sentences that I start, since people tend to know what I'm saying before I manage to finish. Hell, half the time I don't actually manage to successfully _start_ my spoken sentences. I can't figure out how I ever communicated at _all_ before I typed everything - in fact, I'm not entirely sure I _did_, at least not very well.
Much as it may slightly weird me out to have the idea of 'doing everything right' applied to me (it does! Partly because it implies doing these things consciously, and partly because it's going to be more than a bit of a shock when I finally _don't_ do something 'right'), it _also_ means I fight impulses less, since the things I do instinctively are what's right. Which is interesting, partly because I think of myself as one who fights impulses more or less constantly (regardless of how much that comes across to people not in my head).
I also seem to no longer be able to relax into any kind of relationship if the other people/person involved are not relaxed into it/them. Probably a defense mechanism (uncertain relationships are _not_ good for my mental health!), but it certainly complicates things. I appear to need to be able to _know_/feel/sense/experience the other people/person's comfort in order to _be_ comfortable. Makes me wonder how the hell I _ever_ find people I'm comfortable with, really! Does explain why not being able to read people completely fucks with my comfort around them, though. (and I still want to know why I refer to sensing of emotions as 'tasting'. 'Tis odd, since sensing of emotions is a _very_ strong thing for me, and taste is _not_)
Yeah, ok. I think that's all of what my brain wanted to be contemplating today. (see, the thing about conversation is that it sparks this kind of stuff in my head, and very generically - doesn't matter who the conversation was with, nor the context. My brain will just grab things that it finds interesting or strange, and run with them. And will try to find 'why's of them.)
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-28 08:48 pm (UTC)Yes. Yes, indeed. Which is why I'm so tired for the last week. ;)
I do physically regret late conversations the next morning though.
Also yes! *yawn*
Not unbusy until a bit in August, and then Fall semester starts right after that.
Wow. Why so busy?
Busy-ness
Date: 2004-06-28 09:22 pm (UTC)And boi. *pouts at lack of teleportation*
It's not that I lack free time... it's that I should spend it doing homework. Always long-term committments. Ah well... I had my ~5 weeks of vacation earlier in the summer. Must be contented with that.