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Jun. 12th, 2004 07:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxIt's simultaneously really neat and really strange that Dalia, my oldest sister's daughter, never fails to know who I am and indicate a desire for me to hold her. And when I first met her, a little over a month after her birth, she fell asleep on me. (note: My older brother's children have never had such a strong attachment/interest in me, so it's not just that we're related)
Babies don't usually like me, so having one _fall asleep on me_ last year was more than a little unexpected. And having her remember who I am even more so. I don't see her more often than 5 hours at a time, with at least two months between the visits, so such awareness of who I am confuses me.
Little over a year old now, and she spent an awful lot of time having me hold her today (well, when she wasn't napping). Was strange. Neat, but strange. My family does certainly have possibility for really nifty children!
And good lord, she has a gigantic smile. (which I was amused to be told reminded my youngest sister of me)
Yeah. Children. Fascinating, and scary. And I can_not_ imagine wanting them, even if one _doesn't_ have reason to believe (as I do) that having some my own to take care of would be a really bad idea. *shakes head*
Babies don't usually like me, so having one _fall asleep on me_ last year was more than a little unexpected. And having her remember who I am even more so. I don't see her more often than 5 hours at a time, with at least two months between the visits, so such awareness of who I am confuses me.
Little over a year old now, and she spent an awful lot of time having me hold her today (well, when she wasn't napping). Was strange. Neat, but strange. My family does certainly have possibility for really nifty children!
And good lord, she has a gigantic smile. (which I was amused to be told reminded my youngest sister of me)
Yeah. Children. Fascinating, and scary. And I can_not_ imagine wanting them, even if one _doesn't_ have reason to believe (as I do) that having some my own to take care of would be a really bad idea. *shakes head*
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Date: 2004-06-16 12:45 pm (UTC)OK. I have always been quite fond of babies, and have studied how they work a bit. One thing I've noticed is that many, perhaps most, but certainly not all, babies younger than about three months become very bonded to their mothers, and very much dislike being held by almost *anyone* else. This can be quite disconcerting to some fathers, BTW. In any case, it's not you. Once they start getting some mobility (if only the ability to move head and hands more reliably) and a more 3-D sense of the world, external stuff other than Mom becomes more interesting and less scarey/unsatisfactory.
Other things to know about the very little ones:
- Kids in the <1 yr (pre-walking) range are more adventurous (in willing to be away from the mom for a bit) but will revert back to wanting mom if things are scarey or just too boring. The thing to know is that they have very little short-term memory. When they get fussy, the most reliable way I have found to make them happy is to expose them to novelty. Just about any change will do, though colors and texture seem to be very effective. "Hey, look, it's a primary load-bearing concrete post. Let's go touch that." has worked well. Rotating novel objects or environments, it's possible to keep a kid of this age entertained for many minutes, until she decides it's time to nurse/eat again.
- The slow, soothing voice thing works to maintain interest or prolong a good mood, but doesn't do much to help recovery once they're upset.
- Responsiveness to prolonged, direct smiles (and cooing and such) varies a lot from kid to kid. Again, I don't think unresponsiveness has much to do with the person holding/smiling at them. But if they respond well, then obviously that implies something good about you.
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Date: 2004-06-16 01:41 pm (UTC)babies younger than about three months become very bonded to their mothers, and very much dislike being held by almost *anyone* else. [...] In any case, it's not you.
I knew it wasn't me, actually, but it was _still_ highly disconcerting to _not_ have that happen.
The problem, I suspect, is more in that babies and young children make me _nervous_, and uncomfortable, so of course they don't want to be near me. (or maybe they do, and I just don't know how to handle them!)
revert back to wanting mom if things are scarey or just too boring.
See - most of the time, with most children, this happens _immediately_ after the child is attempted to given to me to spend time with.
most reliable way I have found to make them happy is to expose them to novelty.
I know this, but it has tended to not work in the past. This may be due to less reliable body language reading ability than most people have - I may notice too late to make a difference in their opinion of things.
All of that said, children with whom I only have a very short period of interaction (strange children passing by while I'm walking or in a store or something) tend to be entertainined by me. So it's not _complete_ uselessness. 'sok, I've never really particularly had a strong desire to interact with small ones anyway, for the most part. I try with relatives, because, well, related to me! And I try a bit with friends kids, because they are my friends, and I won't see them otherwise.