Winter you are evil!

Not sure i slept last night. Very very tired of coughing. This morning's class ate all my energy for the day. Want all the cuddles so hopefully metahacker is feeling better today than yesterday.

Evidently I'm in someone else needs to deal with life for me mode. :(

Depression sucks

I hate that it's so subtle. That i can suddenly realize that I'm wicked depressed, in large part based on noticing what assumptions I'm making.

That it's somehow entirely reasonable to think that everyone else is more interesting/important/worthwhile/successful than me and everyone obviously thinks this is true. Or to think that everyone is tolerating me and don't actually want me around.

Even knowing that depression is a lying liar that lies doesn't actually help because knowing things intellectually doesn't shut it up.

I think this is why cuddling helps. It's really difficult to believe the lies when being held or otherwise in affectionate contact. I think it's also part of why people coming to me in winter is helpful (harder to believe tolerance of people who come to me).

It's going to be dim for a few days. Wish the sun would come back, as i suspect the intensity of today's depression is due to a lack of sun. I don't think i was this bad yesterday.