[random]

Pretty, pretty trees on the way to Diesel last night. Someone already explained Diesel in reply to the query, but it's a coffeeshop in Davis Square in Sommerville, MA, and bunches of Poly Boston people get together to spend time there every Tuesday evening, and the last Friday evening of every month. There's chatting and games and stuff. And it's loud. And every time I go, it's crowded.

Swooping birds on the way to work this morning.

Nifty people with whom I escaped the noise of Diesel, and went home _way_ too late, resulting in not being in bed until 11:30, and not going to sleep until after midnight because I must give my kitty some pettins before sleep, or he gets upset with me.

Packing tonight, and some cuddles either tonight or tomorrow night.

Oh, right. Twilight is Twilight Covening. And I will be in the Mockingbird clan. I may have missed insane numbers of Psingings, but I'm having lots of singing this weekend!

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day looks like it might try to eat my head!

[random]

Pretty, pretty trees on the way to Diesel last night. Someone already explained Diesel in reply to the query, but it's a coffeeshop in Davis Square in Sommerville, MA, and bunches of Poly Boston people get together to spend time there every Tuesday evening, and the last Friday evening of every month. There's chatting and games and stuff. And it's loud. And every time I go, it's crowded.

Swooping birds on the way to work this morning.

Nifty people with whom I escaped the noise of Diesel, and went home _way_ too late, resulting in not being in bed until 11:30, and not going to sleep until after midnight because I must give my kitty some pettins before sleep, or he gets upset with me.

Packing tonight, and some cuddles either tonight or tomorrow night.

Oh, right. Twilight is Twilight Covening. And I will be in the Mockingbird clan. I may have missed insane numbers of Psingings, but I'm having lots of singing this weekend!

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day looks like it might try to eat my head!

[touch]

I'm quite annoyed by my weird hunger state.

Want touch.

Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.

I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).

This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.

(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)

[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538

[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]

[touch]

I'm quite annoyed by my weird hunger state.

Want touch.

Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.

I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).

This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.

(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)

[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538

[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]

[local, visiting]

Local people! I just realized that I have no idea who I'm in the middle of trying to find time to visit with. If you think this applies to you, you might want to email me telling me so. (and, if this doesn't apply to you and you _want_ it to, emailing me would also be wise. I just have no idea how _soon_ I will manage to find time with people, already in process or not!)

I'm aware of vague attempts to find time to visit bbbsg, bluepapercup, randysmith, ratatosk... anyone else? (no, that wasn't intentionally done alphabetically. How strange!)

[edit: not talking about firm plans. If you and I already _have_ plans, this does not apply to you. :)]

[editedit: going to be continuing to edit this post to keep track of who I'm attempting to find time with]

majes, beowabbit, starandrea

(currently putting weekend-related planning on hold until I know what's going on as far as possible australian_joe visit next month)

[local, visiting]

Local people! I just realized that I have no idea who I'm in the middle of trying to find time to visit with. If you think this applies to you, you might want to email me telling me so. (and, if this doesn't apply to you and you _want_ it to, emailing me would also be wise. I just have no idea how _soon_ I will manage to find time with people, already in process or not!)

I'm aware of vague attempts to find time to visit bbbsg, bluepapercup, randysmith, ratatosk... anyone else? (no, that wasn't intentionally done alphabetically. How strange!)

[edit: not talking about firm plans. If you and I already _have_ plans, this does not apply to you. :)]

[editedit: going to be continuing to edit this post to keep track of who I'm attempting to find time with]

majes, beowabbit, starandrea

(currently putting weekend-related planning on hold until I know what's going on as far as possible australian_joe visit next month)

[pretty meme]

Not posting it here, but pointing y'all at two incarnations of it.

Me, I am finding it interesting that, while I can point out people in my head who I am pleased by, I can't find words for _why_. This makes commenting rather difficult.

Two incarnations of the 'nominate the LJers who have gone above and beyond for their friends and others, on LJ and elsewhere. Tell us the things they've done that they're too modest to talk about themselves' thing:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/ariedana/536029.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/noelfigart/550542.html

Make people blush! Come on, it's fun! I'd totally join in, if only my words would cooperate.

[pretty meme]

Not posting it here, but pointing y'all at two incarnations of it.

Me, I am finding it interesting that, while I can point out people in my head who I am pleased by, I can't find words for _why_. This makes commenting rather difficult.

Two incarnations of the 'nominate the LJers who have gone above and beyond for their friends and others, on LJ and elsewhere. Tell us the things they've done that they're too modest to talk about themselves' thing:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/ariedana/536029.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/noelfigart/550542.html

Make people blush! Come on, it's fun! I'd totally join in, if only my words would cooperate.

[cities & me]

So, I'm attempting to explain why cities scare me as much as they do (and they do! Boston used to scare me. Now, I just mostly avoid driving in it and I'm fine), and thought it needed a wider audience than in the comment I made.

A major portion of my fear of cities is that they are so overwhelming that I cannot process well enough to figure out how to get where I want to go - no matter _how_ simple the instructions are. Combine with this my complete lack of direction sense, and the fact that I need at least 3 times navigating something, within a fairly small amount of time, before I have any hope of being able to repeat it again myself (detailed written instructions help), and I've got a pretty major handicap in larger cities. Smaller ones simply have fewer options, so are less overwhelming.

I can - now - generally manage to figure out unfamiliar public transportation, with a _lot_ of advance research, to the point where I know exactly where I need to go and all the steps to get there, before I have to do it. I cannot navigate things on the fly unless I'm already familiar enough with most of the necessary steps, or I have insanely detailed instructions. Public transportation (with the notable exception of busses in a city, which tend to have far more available options) tends to have a fairly limited selection of where it goes, and a fair number of the online sites for these places will tell you how to get from point A to point B. This makes it _much_ more managable for me than driving (or walking!) in a strange city.

I know that I'm bad at this kind of thing, which means that trying to do it _scares_ me. I'm more willing now to _try_, at least, but it's still terrifying. And I think that the amount of time that I spend in Greater Boston is _why_ I'm more willing to try. I've gotten used to it, once, with lots of help.

I doubt I'll ever _like_ a large city, but I can get better at navigating with sufficient help, time, and patience.

[edit: I have found, living near Boston, that I like being _near_ cities, because they give me lots of things I can do, at the same time as having a reasonable distance to and amount of natural settings. I did _not_ enjoy growing up in a place with nothing interesting (to me) to do...]

[cities & me]

So, I'm attempting to explain why cities scare me as much as they do (and they do! Boston used to scare me. Now, I just mostly avoid driving in it and I'm fine), and thought it needed a wider audience than in the comment I made.

A major portion of my fear of cities is that they are so overwhelming that I cannot process well enough to figure out how to get where I want to go - no matter _how_ simple the instructions are. Combine with this my complete lack of direction sense, and the fact that I need at least 3 times navigating something, within a fairly small amount of time, before I have any hope of being able to repeat it again myself (detailed written instructions help), and I've got a pretty major handicap in larger cities. Smaller ones simply have fewer options, so are less overwhelming.

I can - now - generally manage to figure out unfamiliar public transportation, with a _lot_ of advance research, to the point where I know exactly where I need to go and all the steps to get there, before I have to do it. I cannot navigate things on the fly unless I'm already familiar enough with most of the necessary steps, or I have insanely detailed instructions. Public transportation (with the notable exception of busses in a city, which tend to have far more available options) tends to have a fairly limited selection of where it goes, and a fair number of the online sites for these places will tell you how to get from point A to point B. This makes it _much_ more managable for me than driving (or walking!) in a strange city.

I know that I'm bad at this kind of thing, which means that trying to do it _scares_ me. I'm more willing now to _try_, at least, but it's still terrifying. And I think that the amount of time that I spend in Greater Boston is _why_ I'm more willing to try. I've gotten used to it, once, with lots of help.

I doubt I'll ever _like_ a large city, but I can get better at navigating with sufficient help, time, and patience.

[edit: I have found, living near Boston, that I like being _near_ cities, because they give me lots of things I can do, at the same time as having a reasonable distance to and amount of natural settings. I did _not_ enjoy growing up in a place with nothing interesting (to me) to do...]

[touch] 'Duh' moment

Driving home from work, I was struck by a bit of of a 'duh' moment, as far as trying to figure out why it was that this year was so much more difficult than the last, in terms of being touch needy.

Um. Because last year I _had_ a reasonably regular source of non-effortful, known to be wanted & comfortable touch, from someone who sought out my company about as often as I did the reverse. Duh. *shakes head* Sometimes, my obviousness amazes me. And, of course, now I miss said friend terribly.


In a completely unrelated train of thought, the amount of stuff I am packing for this weekend is amazing. Mostly because of the large pile of blankets.

[touch] 'Duh' moment

Driving home from work, I was struck by a bit of of a 'duh' moment, as far as trying to figure out why it was that this year was so much more difficult than the last, in terms of being touch needy.

Um. Because last year I _had_ a reasonably regular source of non-effortful, known to be wanted & comfortable touch, from someone who sought out my company about as often as I did the reverse. Duh. *shakes head* Sometimes, my obviousness amazes me. And, of course, now I miss said friend terribly.


In a completely unrelated train of thought, the amount of stuff I am packing for this weekend is amazing. Mostly because of the large pile of blankets.