Love, work, letting things wait

[wispfox]

Those who already read theferret can just ignore this entry. I'm linking to him again!

Love isn't just some ephemeral thing that forms spontaneously and then ticks forever like a perpetual motion machine. Ideally, love makes your life a lot better - I know that I'm a lot happier because of Gini - but it's very rare that two people just click once and never have to talk again. Love, like any other worthwhile thing, involves maintenance.

But nobody writes love songs about maintenance. There are no odes to grouting, or paeans to weekly lawn care. Everyone wants to believe in the effort-free love, because it sure would be nice if it existed, but there ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

Life is work. Anyone who tells you different is selling you an album..

(Y'know, now I really want someone to write a love song about maintenance.)

And, the addendum, sparked by a comment from his wife zoethe, You need to emphasize, though, that there are times when you visit an issue, realize that both of you are too far apart to resolve it at that point, and let it rest for a while so that one small thing does not get blown out of proportion to the detriment of the rest of the relationship. That was one of the great balancing acts for the two of us - finding the sweet spot between your 'everything must be resolved at once!' and my 'here's a nice rug to sweep it under.'

Comments

made me want to rant on the subject

[ommango.livejournal.com]

Seems like love songs are about the first 15 minutes (o.k., maybe a few months. When you desire someone strongly, you put them on a pedestal, and your attraction is based on projections to as what you think the other person is, not who they really are. So love songs are about infatuation which can be a mental affliction and distortion of reality. Love is more about what happens long after after repeated times of working through conflict and learning to live harmoniously and despite the fact that they are not the person you assumed they were.