(no subject)

[wispfox]

Pieces of my brain, spilling all over the floor (also, the problem with being home sick is it's *horribly* boring. Especially when I can't focus very long on anything).

I've determined that the main problem I have with my current roommate (hmm. What shall I refer to him as after Sat, when aelisdeliria moves in?), is that he is not pessimistic, but fatalistic. I'm not sure I'm using that word right, so I'll explain - he is of the opinion that bad things will _always_ happen to him, and that he has no control over this fact. This means that having him in my home is a more or less constant drain on my energy and emotions.

I think the reason I had no real sense of this before he moved in is that I didn't see him that often. Something I need to be more aware of in the future - if it's not someone whose company I seek out with some reasonable regularity ('reasonable' varies, though, depending on circumstances), it's not someone I ought to be living with.

Also,
Sex, for me, is anything for which I would have to have an appropriate safety conversation[1], and is something for which I would have had to have reason to have the conversation outside of a sex party or similar.

The reason as mentioned above appears to be that I am in some type of emotional, as well as sexual (or at least potentially so), relationship with a person, where there is expectation of the connection being regularly renewed (as however is reasonable and possible), and that the relationship is something with some level of expectation of continuing until agreed otherwise. The shorthand that I appear to currently be using to describe this is that I am dating a person.

Sex play, which for me can include sensation play, but not really anything else in the BDSM context (everything else would require a relationship as stated above), requires that I am sufficiently comfortable with, and that they are someone whose company I actively seek out (which means that I have a decent level of connection with them), but does not require that I am actually dating them.

This is basically all stuff I've been slowly figuring out in myself over the past year. And certainly relates to why I've been basically celibate for most of the past year, with some exceptions early on in the figuring, which are part of how I finally figured things out.

[1] Anything which has possibility of contact with sexual fluids.

Comments

[dancingwolfgrrl.livejournal.com]

When your roommate moves out, I suggest you begin referring to him as "my former roommate." I also suspect you won't need to refer to him as much, though! :)

And you totally lost me in the sentence about dating!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

See - he won't be moving out until after aelisdeliria moves in.

Also - the fact that I wrote this while sick probably has something to do with you having not been able to read this. :) Sorry!

[dancingwolfgrrl.livejournal.com]

hm. Assuming aelisdeliria is female, "the guy I live with" works, but that has many connotations. A random letter works, too!

[catya.livejournal.com]

i usually define sex as "anything that can or should require latex" (though usually i'm not talking about gloves over unbroken skin)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

That also works, at least as far as needing aforementioned conversation. But I wasn't only trying to define sex, but also my requirements for it to happen. :)

If you did mean this in terms of what requires said conversation, I'm actually kinda confused as to how much of a difference there really is between this and what I said. Partly because some people's definitions of what needs latex varies - talking about it in terms of possible sexual contact ought to remove that confusion.

[catya.livejournal.com]

it's pretty close to your definition, which is why i commented on it :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

AAAHHHH...

OK. :)

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

Your definition of fatalism is dictionary-perfect, for what it's worth. :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Odd.

I wasn't sure because I use the word rarely enough that I felt the need to check on dictionary.com, and it claimed something about how it means that our lives are determined by gods or fates, specifically. Which was not quite what I meant by it.

Also, thanks for the affirmation! :)

[scholargipsy.livejournal.com]

Fatalism is the belief that we can't escape our fate (usually a bad one), that it's beyond our control. Traditionally that was a spiritual belief, but it needn't be, though I suppose it's by definition metaphysical at least.

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

I'm aware you posted this openly, and that there has been fallout from that.

I likewise say this openly: I don't understand someone who is so critically reliant on your continued charity and compassion being anything but 100% perfectly diplomatic, helpful, considerate and obliging. But then, if as you say he's fatalistic, then it's convenient to think nothing he does will make any difference, because then he doesn't have to do anything since "of course" it won't work.