[brains, social]
Nov. 29th, 2005 06:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxI noticed an interesting thing in my head while driving home tonight.
I appear to be very reluctant to pursue potential friendships with people if I do not know that they are poly. Especially if they are male, and even more so if they have a partner. I am unsure if the behavior of the (presumably monogamous) people's partner affects things, since my not being able to read a person has a similar (but less strong) effect on things as them being actively hostile or wary of me. (ie, I can't be comfortable around them)
I'm sure this has much to do with the fact that my close friendship behavior (both forming and existing) is not much different than my behavior when exploring the possibility of someone as a lover, and with the fact that I have _far_ too much experience with inadvertently causing jealousy reactions because of friendships I've had. And it seriously sucks to lose friendships, especially the close ones which are most likely to cause this reaction.
But it seems sad. Especially considering the gender imbalance aspect. Because, apparently, it's ok for my close friendships to be close (for me, this includes affectionate touch, snugging, and in-depth conversations, among other things) if it's with women. But not if it's with men who are not available.
Meh.
I appear to be very reluctant to pursue potential friendships with people if I do not know that they are poly. Especially if they are male, and even more so if they have a partner. I am unsure if the behavior of the (presumably monogamous) people's partner affects things, since my not being able to read a person has a similar (but less strong) effect on things as them being actively hostile or wary of me. (ie, I can't be comfortable around them)
I'm sure this has much to do with the fact that my close friendship behavior (both forming and existing) is not much different than my behavior when exploring the possibility of someone as a lover, and with the fact that I have _far_ too much experience with inadvertently causing jealousy reactions because of friendships I've had. And it seriously sucks to lose friendships, especially the close ones which are most likely to cause this reaction.
But it seems sad. Especially considering the gender imbalance aspect. Because, apparently, it's ok for my close friendships to be close (for me, this includes affectionate touch, snugging, and in-depth conversations, among other things) if it's with women. But not if it's with men who are not available.
Meh.
