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wispfoxFor me, with people with whom sexual attraction has been established, I may or may not initiate, but as long as it is not interrupting something or I'm wanting no people interaction at _all_, them initiating stuff is perfectly fine and lovely.
I have a separate category between 'people I make out with' and 'people I have had an appropriate sex safety talk with' (the latter category appears to require significant amounts of trust on my part, as well as sufficient amounts of interaction with a person), and people who are in a particular category are perfectly welcome to initiate stuff with me that falls into the category they are in (changing categories requires speech, though).
Just because I'm not going to initiate doesn't mean I won't actively enjoy activities. Indeed, part of what turns my libido off - when it _isn't_ winter - is lack of activity with other people (masturbation is better than nothing, but so very far from activity with other people that it's not enough to prevent my libido from hibernation). So it's often (although not always) necessary for someone else to initiate in order for it to come back. Once it _is_ back, though, presuming not winter and not exhausted, I will also be initiating.
And, even with no libido to start out with, I am generally _very_ easy/quick to get into the mood for sexual behavior of whatever sort. It's not effort for me to get there, although it'll take a bit longer for me to react much if I start out from none.
The only time that I'm going to be frustrated with lack of orgasm is if there were activities which seemed to have that intent behind them which stopped too soon (and appeared to have no intent to resume; I note that teasing is _good_). Intent is a _HUGE_ amount of my worldview, sexual behavior or not.
For the most part, it's really a fairly simple equation - b & c apply to _any_ people interaction, add in a for touch-based interaction:
a) do I have reason to expect that kind of interaction with a person?
b) do I want to be around people?
c) am I going to be irritated/confused/unhappy if whatever I'm currently doing is interrupted?
If a & b & !c, then any touch-based interaction is good. b & !c allow for non-touch-based interaction, should status of a not be known.
a requires mutual interest, preferably (but not necessarily, if not safer sex conversation-requiring) discussed. Hugging is something which rarely needs discussion for me, as it seems to be something for which body language is enough, presuming that I'm interacting with sane people who make sure people can _see_ them before attempting a hug with someone whose interest in such isn't known.
if !a, no matter _what_ the touch-based interaction - even if not sexual at all - confused reactions will happen. Unhappy ones will happen if I have no interest in that particular touch-based interaction with that person.
if !b, interaction of _any_ sort will be unhappy-making. In this case, I tend to try to go away for a while. Being borderline not wanting to be around people is interesting, though, because it probably means I want interaction with individual or _very_ small groups of people I'm close to, but not from anyone else. b mostly only comes up in winter or high-stress periods.
if c, it may be recoverable, depending on what I was working on and how easily I can put it aside (reading a book is generally interruptible; writing something which is forcing its way out of my head is _really_ bad to interrupt). May be hard to tell, on this one, though. I am, however, usually pingable to determine state, even if an actual interruption would be bad. The reply will probably be non-verbal if I am not interruptible (verbal if the non-verbal isn't understood, but verbal will require more effort), like holding up a finger in a 'just a moment' kind of way.
I have a separate category between 'people I make out with' and 'people I have had an appropriate sex safety talk with' (the latter category appears to require significant amounts of trust on my part, as well as sufficient amounts of interaction with a person), and people who are in a particular category are perfectly welcome to initiate stuff with me that falls into the category they are in (changing categories requires speech, though).
Just because I'm not going to initiate doesn't mean I won't actively enjoy activities. Indeed, part of what turns my libido off - when it _isn't_ winter - is lack of activity with other people (masturbation is better than nothing, but so very far from activity with other people that it's not enough to prevent my libido from hibernation). So it's often (although not always) necessary for someone else to initiate in order for it to come back. Once it _is_ back, though, presuming not winter and not exhausted, I will also be initiating.
And, even with no libido to start out with, I am generally _very_ easy/quick to get into the mood for sexual behavior of whatever sort. It's not effort for me to get there, although it'll take a bit longer for me to react much if I start out from none.
The only time that I'm going to be frustrated with lack of orgasm is if there were activities which seemed to have that intent behind them which stopped too soon (and appeared to have no intent to resume; I note that teasing is _good_). Intent is a _HUGE_ amount of my worldview, sexual behavior or not.
For the most part, it's really a fairly simple equation - b & c apply to _any_ people interaction, add in a for touch-based interaction:
a) do I have reason to expect that kind of interaction with a person?
b) do I want to be around people?
c) am I going to be irritated/confused/unhappy if whatever I'm currently doing is interrupted?
If a & b & !c, then any touch-based interaction is good. b & !c allow for non-touch-based interaction, should status of a not be known.
a requires mutual interest, preferably (but not necessarily, if not safer sex conversation-requiring) discussed. Hugging is something which rarely needs discussion for me, as it seems to be something for which body language is enough, presuming that I'm interacting with sane people who make sure people can _see_ them before attempting a hug with someone whose interest in such isn't known.
if !a, no matter _what_ the touch-based interaction - even if not sexual at all - confused reactions will happen. Unhappy ones will happen if I have no interest in that particular touch-based interaction with that person.
if !b, interaction of _any_ sort will be unhappy-making. In this case, I tend to try to go away for a while. Being borderline not wanting to be around people is interesting, though, because it probably means I want interaction with individual or _very_ small groups of people I'm close to, but not from anyone else. b mostly only comes up in winter or high-stress periods.
if c, it may be recoverable, depending on what I was working on and how easily I can put it aside (reading a book is generally interruptible; writing something which is forcing its way out of my head is _really_ bad to interrupt). May be hard to tell, on this one, though. I am, however, usually pingable to determine state, even if an actual interruption would be bad. The reply will probably be non-verbal if I am not interruptible (verbal if the non-verbal isn't understood, but verbal will require more effort), like holding up a finger in a 'just a moment' kind of way.
