(no subject)

[wispfox]

I've recently had someone point something out to me that I'd not really noticed, but which makes sense in my head.

When I'm bringing someone I know with me to do something with other people that I know, but who they don't know, I worry. I feel responsible, both because it feels like their behavior reflects on me, to an extent, and because I want them to not feel like their time was wasted.

I _know_ I'm not responsible for other people, because I can't be. But still, I worry. Less so if they come under their own power, because it also means they can escape if they want. But, I worry, at least until I can tell that they really do want to be there, and are comfortable.

This, probably unsurprisingly, may make me act slightly oddly, because I will be hyper-aware of anyone I bring to a new environment. Until they are obviously enjoying themselves and comfortable, at least. It's probably also part of why I always ask, with a bit of trepedation, if they enjoyed themselves. I worry.

It may be silly, but it's also true. Probably because I remember, all too well, how difficult it can be to be comfortable around a group of people you don't know. My entire life, I've always been one who tries to be welcoming to new people, because I remember how scary it can be to be the new person. I think this might relate.

Comments

[underwatercolor.livejournal.com]

Yes... me too.

[phaedra-lari.livejournal.com]

I do this too.

I also feel anxious when multiple people I am dating are hanging out with me, and know me better than each other... like I have this extra level of responsibiity for their all absolutely enjoying themselves because I am the hub/hinge person of the connections...

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

Cease thy head-stealing, voman!

I do the same same thing.  I worry because Newperson is a reflection on me and my friend-tastes, and I worry that Newperson is having a good time, meeting people, the whole 8.23 meters.

[trillian42.livejournal.com]

Same here. and I somehow always manage to have groups of friends who most likely wouldn't get along with any of the other groups, so there's this semi-obligation to either try not to have them all in the same place at once, or feel like I have to run around putting out fires the whole time...

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I tend to be pretty good about not trying to combine groups which wouldn't mix well. And I long ago gave up the belief that everyone I like should therefore like everyone else I like.

If they are someone high enough up in my list of people I like and am comfortable with and such, it tends to be _true_ that they have a reasonable chance of getting along, but that doesn't necessarily mean they always will.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Cease thy head-stealing, voman!

Not just the brain, but the entire head? Wow... I'm moving up in the world. ;)

I just hope that worrying about such things doesn't bother the person I'm directing the worry _at_, y'know?

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Haven't quite gotten to a point where that's a problem, but I can _so_ see myself doing that. ;)

[phaedra-lari.livejournal.com]

I *really* need to get over it. It often keeps me from fully enjoying being surrounded by my loves :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*nods* I can understand that as a problem, yes!

[echospiralheart.livejournal.com]

this is very common. :)

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

*nods emphatically at the both of you* I just went through that last night. Brought a friend from one place/group to watch movies with friends from another place/social group. Very concerned about whether both sides got along, were impressed with eachother, etc.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

If they are someone high enough up in my list of people I like and am comfortable with and such, it tends to be _true_ that they have a reasonable chance of getting along, but that doesn't necessarily mean they always will.

Exactly. My friends tend to have common interests, senses of humor, and general temperament similarities.

[opalmirror.livejournal.com]

Countless times I've tried worrying about it, but my worrying didn't help anything. So I gave up worrying. I try to get friends together and if they hit it off with each other, awesome. If they don't, sigh.

My best friend is nearly agoraphobic... above a few people he is crawling in his skin to go hide from everyone. I didn't really understand this at first and brought him to several group gatherings. Poor guy. I now know he forgives me for it, still loves my friendship, and that I am welcome to introduce him to neat people, just one or two at a time.

The trickiest part is if I've acted quite different contextually, that is -- if I've presented myself one way to person A and a significantly different way to person B. This might be because those people bring out different aspects of my personality. Then when I get together with both of them in the same place *I* feel torn and confused about how to behave.

This isn't true so much of personal relationships because throughout life I try hard anymore to be consistent and genuine. At work or with groups I'm not so sure of, I edit myself down quite a bit so as not to be a dork (of course, if I act silly around the right people, then with them I'm not a dork -- makes sense?). Even still, when it comes to mixing work and personal life I still hear Venkman shouting, "Don't cross the streams.... That would be Bad."

But... this doesn't have too much to do with you and how you're feeling. You might just introduce your friends and just hope. It'll turn out either great, or at least okay. Seems pretty unlikely anyone will have a *bad* time.