wispfox | (no subject)

One of those 'yes, _exactly_' replies I get from time to time to posts of mine felt like something I should post. So, with permission, I am.

In reply to my life lessons write-up post,

opalmirror said:

"For me, discovering all these things required I not be in a primary relationship, because a primary relationship implied a level of entwinement that made it impossible for me to sort out who I am, coupled with a level of stress about partner happiness that compromised my ability to find energy to work on understanding myself."

Uh, yeah. Most of those life lessons I posted? They were things I realized within the last couple years, mostly during the time I was very intentionally avoiding serious-type relationships. I truly don't know if I could have figured them out while in one, but I _do_ know it was _significantly_ easier to do without such an attachment to anyone. I needed that time, when the only person I was responsible was to myself (and my cat). As well, having that time made it much easier for me to know who I was outside of major interpersonal entanglements, and therefore figure out what I needed while _in_ them. (of course, the 'what I needed while in them' part was/is mostly theoretical. We shall see. ;)

Anyway. That comment felt like something I very much needed to post.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ah, another for the "other-self" memory category. :)

huh.

i've spent essentially no time in my adolescent or adult life unentangled.

so whatever growing i've done (which has been a lot, really) has been in and around and through relationships..

Which I'm pretty sure I knew, and which impresses the _hell_ out of me. I simply did not have enough of a sense of self to do that. From this point in my life, I am pretty sure I could, but not from a few years or earlier ago.

*nodnod* i think for me, as entangled as i get, i don't much lose my separateness of self.

Yeah. See, me, I used to. I think (hope?) that I no longer will.

It's hard to do. I lucked into some great partners who helped me with it; not sure what I would have done otherwise.

This is where I am in life too. Except that my husband said that if we did a separation while I worked through some issues that need working through, he'd leave. For good.

Um. Yikes, hon!

That's a hell of a difficult choice...

*hug offered* There really isn't much to say...

*hug accepted*