[brains, N*E]

[wispfox]

How the _hell_ does anyone ever deal with 'oooh, shiny brain' and 'oooh, yummy person' at the SAME DAMN TIME?!

See, I usually have the 'neat person, must get to know them better' thing first, and the 'oooh wait, I'm actively attracted to them, _too_!' thing after I know someone reasonably well. So it's... seriously strange to have had them at the same time, immediately upon meeting a person, and I do _NOT_ have the toolset to deal with this (and, really, beyond doing a reasonable job of keeping it from leaking out all over everything - which I think I'm already doing an ok job with - I don't know that I _would_ be able to deal with this even with experience and practice).

And I'm vaguely amused by the 'hmm. Let's investigate something-ing with two different people at the same time; one I've known for a while, and one I haven't' thing I seem to be doing right now. Ah, the timing. ;)

*shakes head* Hey, at least I do a reasonable job of saying 'hey, I'm being ridiculous and I _know_ I am, but I want you to know what's in my head'. And I'm amusing the hell out of australian_joe and ladytabitha, I think...

Comments

[brynndragon.livejournal.com]

Well, for me it used to be pretty simple: you fall into bed with them a few hours after meeting them and then have an ongoing relationship that lasts for about 2 years, at which point they break your heart (usually by falling in love with someone else the slow way and falling out of love with you - the poly one did an interesting (!) variant on this theme which would take too long to discuss here). I really don't recommend this route, because the heartbreak at the end sucks badly. Hense I'm trying another more complex way of doing things that involves being cautious as all hell. The main reason it's working is because I tend to be more passive in terms of initiating things, so I feel really ackward about being active. I'm still not sure if it's the best path, but it does seem to be going OK.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I note that I _already_ tend toward caution. Going slow is my default, and doesn't tend to come into play until _after_ I've already gotten to know someone reasonably well.

I'm actually going quite a bit _less_ slowly now. Amusingly, really...

[randysmith]

"Baaa!"? :-}

[ratatosk.livejournal.com]

Perhaps she has progressed to "Rocky Mountain Bighorn" or "Musk Ox"?

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*snort* Right! I'm progressing through the hooved beasts!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I'm still not sure if it's the best path, but it does seem to be going OK.

Also, yay! ;)

[randysmith]

the poly one did an interesting (!) variant on this theme which would take too long to discuss here

If expression of a little bit of morbid curiousity would push you over the edge into a description, consider it expressed ... :-}

[brynndragon.livejournal.com]

He decided to stop sleeping with me rather than stop loving me. Just told me one day as he was heading out ther door, "I'm not sleeping with you anymore. Bye!" After 3 months of me trying to talk about it and him trying to avoid the subject, he managed to tell me that he had gone from non-hierarchical poly to his other chik becoming his primary without telling me, a month before his announcement. He also told me that he had stopped sleeping with me as a gift to her, without bothering to see how that might affect me. But he kept saying that he still loves me.

Obviously this is some definition of love that I was not previously aware of.

I'm still reeling from this episode, even though it's been about a year and a half since it happened.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Obviously this is some definition of love that I was not previously aware of.

Yeah. The one which doesn't apparently include the whole 'keep people in the loop, dammit!' concept.

*grumble* *growl*

[randysmith]

Owow. Yes, I can definitely see still reeling from that after a year and a half. That's pretty bad.

Two very similar but importantly different definitions of poly: a) "Cool, the rules don't apply to me anymore!", b) "Shit, I need to be noticably more careful to figure out my actions and their effects on others 'cause I can't rely on the rules to do it for me anymore". Arrggh.