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[Seasonal Affective Disorder] It's started...
Oh, indeed, the crappy time of year stuff has begun.
I know because I was cranky all day and didn't _notice_ until a co-worker commented that I was certainly acting like it was Monday.
And, well, it _is_ Monday, but that doesn't usually have a huge affect on my actions.
Snappy, oh yes. Low energy, check. Tired all day? Yep.
Gonna start using my lamp after I post this. And start being less generally social and work on getting more regular touch. And stuff. And be more aware of my internal state, since I need to have a _much_ better awareness than normal.
(Note: started != constant, yet. I will continue to have ups and downs, and probably will continue to forget that I have them during the up periods, because I forget every year, until Jan and Feb. Then, I'll have mostly downs but will _accept_ that fact. And then the ups and downs will reverse from mid March until May, when I should be mostly normal again)
*sigh*
Now I go sit in front of my light and read. And try to sleep earlier than I had been all weekend, since I can't imagine that was helping.
I know because I was cranky all day and didn't _notice_ until a co-worker commented that I was certainly acting like it was Monday.
And, well, it _is_ Monday, but that doesn't usually have a huge affect on my actions.
Snappy, oh yes. Low energy, check. Tired all day? Yep.
Gonna start using my lamp after I post this. And start being less generally social and work on getting more regular touch. And stuff. And be more aware of my internal state, since I need to have a _much_ better awareness than normal.
(Note: started != constant, yet. I will continue to have ups and downs, and probably will continue to forget that I have them during the up periods, because I forget every year, until Jan and Feb. Then, I'll have mostly downs but will _accept_ that fact. And then the ups and downs will reverse from mid March until May, when I should be mostly normal again)
*sigh*
Now I go sit in front of my light and read. And try to sleep earlier than I had been all weekend, since I can't imagine that was helping.
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But anyone who knows you very well, or is empathic, will know both that you are _not_ really happy (like I said, I don't think I've ever seen you as happy as this past weekend), and possibly that you are pretending to be.
And how is _that_ good?
Making other people happy is fine, to a point. Making other people happy when it's making you unhappy (or more unhappy) is, IMO, beyond that point.
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After a certain point I figure it's not worth it to fight the unhappiness, so I might as well try and make others happier, in spite of it. It may not be the most healthy impulse, but it's one of the most ingrained that I have.
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Or not?
(It tends to help me _notice_ when I'm doing things that I'm trying to re-wire, thus the question)
This does assume I'd notice, and that we're in the same place at the same time, mind.
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Thing is, I tend to avoid most particularly taxing parties, so I don't know that I would be at a party in which you are likely to be having trouble.
Besides. What do I tell you? 'You're trying to hard. You might want to take a break or something?'?
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