Wow. What a long journey you’ve made in such a short space of time!
[...] because I had just graduated from college (Spring '01).
I didn’t realize you were that recently out of college. For some reason I thought you were older.
I have been living on my own, for the first time ever, for two years this coming August. I have had roommates during that time, but there was time at the beginning that I was truly on my own, if one does not include my cat. And none of the roommates I've had have been people I was seriously emotionally involved with. This makes a huge difference, I've found.
Yes. I’m looking forward to sionnagh being here this summer, and to sionnagh and docorion moving back, but it's been a tremendously educational (if often gruelling, especially early on) experience living on my own.
I have a fascination with other people's psyches, a good ability to get a sense of people's core self if they are not really closed off [...], and a possibly automatic sense of when something about a person is 'off' from my sense of their core self, and a drive to point it out to them.
Out of curiosity, do you get a good sense of my core self? I ask because I like to think of myself as transparent, but I’ve had a lot of people say they had a hard time getting to know me. I know I don’t talk about myself much, especially in person, because of something akin to your 'but I might annoy them by saying the same damn thing over and over and over again' feeling, plus an aversion to being the center of attention or being put on a pedestal that dates from stuff with my father.1 I’m getting better at that, I think, and I’ve always had a much easier time about it in email.
And by the way, if you think I’m missing something about my core identity, I would be very pleased to have you say so. (Although I hope you won’t be upset if I don’t end up agreeing.)
1 My father was constantly praising me and talking about me in front of other people, to the point of making up implausible things he could brag about. At the same time, my sister couldn’t get his attention or approval. She could be starring in a play, and all he’d want to talk about was the one-page paper I’d banged off the last night. (That’s a made-up example because I don’t remember actual ones, but illustrative of the reality.) So I learned very young to associate favourable attention with other people being unjustly hurt, and with my father’s behaviour which I knew was wrong. It’s been a long slow journey for me to be able to talk about myself and especially to talk about what I think of as my good qualities. I think I’m more than halfway there, though.
no subject
I didn’t realize you were that recently out of college. For some reason I thought you were older.
Yes. I’m looking forward to
Out of curiosity, do you get a good sense of my core self? I ask because I like to think of myself as transparent, but I’ve had a lot of people say they had a hard time getting to know me. I know I don’t talk about myself much, especially in person, because of something akin to your 'but I might annoy them by saying the same damn thing over and over and over again' feeling, plus an aversion to being the center of attention or being put on a pedestal that dates from stuff with my father.1 I’m getting better at that, I think, and I’ve always had a much easier time about it in email.
And by the way, if you think I’m missing something about my core identity, I would be very pleased to have you say so. (Although I hope you won’t be upset if I don’t end up agreeing.)
1 My father was constantly praising me and talking about me in front of other people, to the point of making up implausible things he could brag about. At the same time, my sister couldn’t get his attention or approval. She could be starring in a play, and all he’d want to talk about was the one-page paper I’d banged off the last night. (That’s a made-up example because I don’t remember actual ones, but illustrative of the reality.) So I learned very young to associate favourable attention with other people being unjustly hurt, and with my father’s behaviour which I knew was wrong. It’s been a long slow journey for me to be able to talk about myself and especially to talk about what I think of as my good qualities. I think I’m more than halfway there, though.