The idea of 'going on dates', as I believe it is generally understood, seems to be a combination of getting to know someone new and determining potential for a sexual relationship....and adding in conscious thought about a possible sexual relationship only adds large amounts of stress, confusion, and nervousness.
When I very first meet someone, I usually know right away if I find them attractive in some fashion or another. I may find them physically attractive or it may be something about their mannerisms or about the topics which they are interested in talking about - but nonetheless, there is an assessment made right away. The assessment is certainly related to compatibility - that is to say that its my mind processing "Is this a person I'm interested in knowing better or not?" Assuming I have the opportunity to observe that person in a social situation, I generally make that determination right then and there (though, in a few situations, I've made a determination one way on first meeting and had it adjusted by future such meetings). After I've made up my mind, the next mission is confirming the assessment - taking opportunities to get to meet that person in group settings or in private (if I feel comfortable enough at that point to do so). Usually, one good long conversation will do it for me, at which point I know if I have interest in going further or not. My behavior in the getting to know you phase I describe above technically counts as going on a date, in the traditional sense - i.e. we're going to meet somewhere, probably have something to eat, and then hang out somewhere thereafter and talk. As far as sex goes, for me it doesn't exist in this phase. That's my hang-up - I don't pursue sex until mutual interest in that is fairly clearly established (and often times not even for a while after that). How long this takes depends on circumstance and time. If I had a lot of quality time with someone new, I suppose it could technically develop from "Getting to know you" to "Making out" in a few days - that's never happened, but it seems possible, given sufficient initial compatibility, the right environment, and some really good energy. In reality, this has normally taken me... about three to four months of consistent time around the other person. Once the making out stage is reached - sex is not far off. Once again though, I have to feel that whole "mutual attraction" thing. For a mix of reasons, I'm not inclined to consider the possibility of sex until I'm starting to pick up on signs that the other person is interested. I am a sexual person, but I just sorta assume (perhaps incorrectly) that if anyone was interested, they would bring it up. Otherwise, I tend to assume that all relationships, even ones where I go out on dates, are developing into friendships.
So, for me, going out on dates is just a way to establish connections and potential friendships. Negotiations to get into a sexual relationship might happen during a date, but that's not the reason I go on dates.
no subject
When I very first meet someone, I usually know right away if I find them attractive in some fashion or another. I may find them physically attractive or it may be something about their mannerisms or about the topics which they are interested in talking about - but nonetheless, there is an assessment made right away. The assessment is certainly related to compatibility - that is to say that its my mind processing "Is this a person I'm interested in knowing better or not?"
Assuming I have the opportunity to observe that person in a social situation, I generally make that determination right then and there (though, in a few situations, I've made a determination one way on first meeting and had it adjusted by future such meetings). After I've made up my mind, the next mission is confirming the assessment - taking opportunities to get to meet that person in group settings or in private (if I feel comfortable enough at that point to do so). Usually, one good long conversation will do it for me, at which point I know if I have interest in going further or not.
My behavior in the getting to know you phase I describe above technically counts as going on a date, in the traditional sense - i.e. we're going to meet somewhere, probably have something to eat, and then hang out somewhere thereafter and talk. As far as sex goes, for me it doesn't exist in this phase. That's my hang-up - I don't pursue sex until mutual interest in that is fairly clearly established (and often times not even for a while after that). How long this takes depends on circumstance and time. If I had a lot of quality time with someone new, I suppose it could technically develop from "Getting to know you" to "Making out" in a few days - that's never happened, but it seems possible, given sufficient initial compatibility, the right environment, and some really good energy. In reality, this has normally taken me... about three to four months of consistent time around the other person. Once the making out stage is reached - sex is not far off. Once again though, I have to feel that whole "mutual attraction" thing. For a mix of reasons, I'm not inclined to consider the possibility of sex until I'm starting to pick up on signs that the other person is interested. I am a sexual person, but I just sorta assume (perhaps incorrectly) that if anyone was interested, they would bring it up. Otherwise, I tend to assume that all relationships, even ones where I go out on dates, are developing into friendships.
So, for me, going out on dates is just a way to establish connections and potential friendships. Negotiations to get into a sexual relationship might happen during a date, but that's not the reason I go on dates.