The best thing about having discovered a list of these sorts of things, and living by them for several years, is that everything falls into place for the most part... and everything about life, even the inevitable struggles, gets a lot easier.

"To thine own self be true" - Polonius, Wm. Shakespeare

For me, discovering all these things required I not be in a primary relationship, because a primary relationship implied a level of entwinement that made it impossible for me to sort out who I am, coupled with a level of stress about partner happiness that compromised my ability to find energy to work on understanding myself. Now that I've gotten that all sorted out, having a primary partner while still being me and taking time to understand my needs actually works.