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Entry tags:
face blind
Because I've been explaining this a lot lately...
Imagine that you're out somewhere - anywhere works - and someone comes up to you and starts talking to you as if they know you. They might know your name, and use it. But you have no idea who this person is.
Even if they do you the favour of explaining who they are, there's still that initial awkwardness where you did not recognize someone that you 'should' be able to recognize. (and having to _rely_ on people doing that favour/remembering that it's needed is also problematic) There's still the experience of wondering if this actually is someone who knows you, or some random creepy person trying to hit on you. (That pickup line about having seen you somewhere before? That's my life, most of the time) There's still the stress of trying desperately to figure out who the person is before they key into the fact that you have not a clue, and maybe get offended or hurt because clearly you don't like them or you'd recognize them. Or think you're trying to snub them.
Now imagine this happening any time they leave your presence, or you lose track of them. Every single time. (the 'losing track of them' is a lot of the problem I have with crowds/large groups. My recognition of some people does exist, but it's not very good; finding people in crowds is nearly impossible for me)
In my case, there _are_ people I recognize (family, close friends, lovers). It's actually possible for me to recognize people, with enough depth and frequency of interaction. If they don't have a beard. For men that have beards, the probability of me ever recognizing them is _amazingly_ low. Not nothing, I think. But very close to it. This is problematic. Makes me wonder how much of my dislike of facial hair actually comes from this, rather than the scratchy aspect which also comes into play.
Ok. Now. We have established that everyone that I see could be someone I should recognize, and may have talked to not 5 minutes before, and that I have absolutely no idea how many people think I'm snubbing them because I failed to recognize them. Now add difficulty reading body language and facial expressions, such that it is significant effort to figure out people's reactions (easier if I know them well enough to recognize them, interestingly). The general effect of this feels to me as if any time I go outside my home, there's a decent chance that I'm going to run into people who are going to at minimum require the effort of figuring out who they are, sometimes require explanation, and sometimes get upset/offended. And I may or may not be able to pick up on nonverbal communication to _know_ their emotional state and reaction, to know if they're going to behave in strange or confusing or difficult ways.
People? Are really, really hard. It's a very good thing that I like them as much as I do, and indeed need them as much as I do, because I suspect if that were not the case I would not find the energy required to interact with people to be worth it. At least in my case, I _can_ recognize people eventually. (if they have no beard) I suspect that if I could not ever recognize people, I would not know how to explain this, either. No basis for comparison, y'know.
Much like going new places, interacting with people is usually worth the effort and stress. But it _is_ effort and stress.
This is much of the reason for my intensely negative reaction to having had the bus driver pass me Weds night. The amount of effort I had put into being able to go and being likely to enjoy myself was not small.
(the fact that I also get lost easily and take a long time to be able to navigate unfamiliar locations without written instructions didn't help at all; having a GPS on my phone does help a _lot_ with this part, though)
[edited to add: I didn't realize that my comments about body language were possible to read as being related to face blindness.
That was not my intention; they are very clearly different things, although sometimes together in the same person.]
Imagine that you're out somewhere - anywhere works - and someone comes up to you and starts talking to you as if they know you. They might know your name, and use it. But you have no idea who this person is.
Even if they do you the favour of explaining who they are, there's still that initial awkwardness where you did not recognize someone that you 'should' be able to recognize. (and having to _rely_ on people doing that favour/remembering that it's needed is also problematic) There's still the experience of wondering if this actually is someone who knows you, or some random creepy person trying to hit on you. (That pickup line about having seen you somewhere before? That's my life, most of the time) There's still the stress of trying desperately to figure out who the person is before they key into the fact that you have not a clue, and maybe get offended or hurt because clearly you don't like them or you'd recognize them. Or think you're trying to snub them.
Now imagine this happening any time they leave your presence, or you lose track of them. Every single time. (the 'losing track of them' is a lot of the problem I have with crowds/large groups. My recognition of some people does exist, but it's not very good; finding people in crowds is nearly impossible for me)
In my case, there _are_ people I recognize (family, close friends, lovers). It's actually possible for me to recognize people, with enough depth and frequency of interaction. If they don't have a beard. For men that have beards, the probability of me ever recognizing them is _amazingly_ low. Not nothing, I think. But very close to it. This is problematic. Makes me wonder how much of my dislike of facial hair actually comes from this, rather than the scratchy aspect which also comes into play.
Ok. Now. We have established that everyone that I see could be someone I should recognize, and may have talked to not 5 minutes before, and that I have absolutely no idea how many people think I'm snubbing them because I failed to recognize them. Now add difficulty reading body language and facial expressions, such that it is significant effort to figure out people's reactions (easier if I know them well enough to recognize them, interestingly). The general effect of this feels to me as if any time I go outside my home, there's a decent chance that I'm going to run into people who are going to at minimum require the effort of figuring out who they are, sometimes require explanation, and sometimes get upset/offended. And I may or may not be able to pick up on nonverbal communication to _know_ their emotional state and reaction, to know if they're going to behave in strange or confusing or difficult ways.
People? Are really, really hard. It's a very good thing that I like them as much as I do, and indeed need them as much as I do, because I suspect if that were not the case I would not find the energy required to interact with people to be worth it. At least in my case, I _can_ recognize people eventually. (if they have no beard) I suspect that if I could not ever recognize people, I would not know how to explain this, either. No basis for comparison, y'know.
Much like going new places, interacting with people is usually worth the effort and stress. But it _is_ effort and stress.
This is much of the reason for my intensely negative reaction to having had the bus driver pass me Weds night. The amount of effort I had put into being able to go and being likely to enjoy myself was not small.
(the fact that I also get lost easily and take a long time to be able to navigate unfamiliar locations without written instructions didn't help at all; having a GPS on my phone does help a _lot_ with this part, though)
[edited to add: I didn't realize that my comments about body language were possible to read as being related to face blindness.
That was not my intention; they are very clearly different things, although sometimes together in the same person.]