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[brains] observations of self
If I feel like my skin is buzzing/itching/crawling/jumping or I feel like I want to shake like a dog trying to dry off, I need to stop whatever I'm doing (probably something social or high energy requiring). No matter how interesting it is or how much I want to be doing it.
Because I think that's a sign that I'm badly overstimulated, and not just tired (sleepy). I _am_ tired in that state, mind, but sleep is going to be a hard state to get to if I'm that far gone. And my brain _will_ shut down on me (feels like a sleepy tired or sick reaction, but it isn't) if I refuse to stop whatever I'm doing, as I'm really good at demonstrating to myself (fascinatingly, the person I was interacting with at the time suggested that I stop, if I was so tired. Now if only I had listened, instead of trying to finish up some stuff which I didn't manage to finish anyway!).
The variety of things that I tend to crave in that state are interesting, I find.
Being held very tightly/fiercely tops the list, and I suspect that if I had a machine which could do it, it'd be fine. Approximations of this appear to include attempting to be _under_ a bed (or in any very enclosed space), or being at the foot end of a bed under heavy, tucked-in blankets (suddenly I understand my childhood self so much better). Sharp points of pain (such as digging my nails into my skin) seem to help briefly. So do rapid movements like shaking my leg while lying down or vibrating my entire body as best I am able (ah, yes, I do find it really odd that being overstimulated makes me crave self-stim behavior...). I think this is _also_ the state I get into where I feel like I'm going to fly away from my body at any second, and think that (since no one is home and I have no such machine) some sort of journeywork is going to be what I do after posting this.
Because I'm tired, but not even remotely sleepy. And I ache to be held tightly and don't care who by. And my self-attachment is _sucking_ right now!
(fascinatingly, aside from the emotional component, this is not that far off a sensation from the couple of times I've been so angry I was shaking and completely incoherent. Except I'm not angry, and I'm not incoherent)
OK, apparently I'm done. Getting online even long enough to post this is causing my body to remind me that the break I took was _not_ long enough, and something more concrete needs to be done. So I go.
Because I think that's a sign that I'm badly overstimulated, and not just tired (sleepy). I _am_ tired in that state, mind, but sleep is going to be a hard state to get to if I'm that far gone. And my brain _will_ shut down on me (feels like a sleepy tired or sick reaction, but it isn't) if I refuse to stop whatever I'm doing, as I'm really good at demonstrating to myself (fascinatingly, the person I was interacting with at the time suggested that I stop, if I was so tired. Now if only I had listened, instead of trying to finish up some stuff which I didn't manage to finish anyway!).
The variety of things that I tend to crave in that state are interesting, I find.
Being held very tightly/fiercely tops the list, and I suspect that if I had a machine which could do it, it'd be fine. Approximations of this appear to include attempting to be _under_ a bed (or in any very enclosed space), or being at the foot end of a bed under heavy, tucked-in blankets (suddenly I understand my childhood self so much better). Sharp points of pain (such as digging my nails into my skin) seem to help briefly. So do rapid movements like shaking my leg while lying down or vibrating my entire body as best I am able (ah, yes, I do find it really odd that being overstimulated makes me crave self-stim behavior...). I think this is _also_ the state I get into where I feel like I'm going to fly away from my body at any second, and think that (since no one is home and I have no such machine) some sort of journeywork is going to be what I do after posting this.
Because I'm tired, but not even remotely sleepy. And I ache to be held tightly and don't care who by. And my self-attachment is _sucking_ right now!
(fascinatingly, aside from the emotional component, this is not that far off a sensation from the couple of times I've been so angry I was shaking and completely incoherent. Except I'm not angry, and I'm not incoherent)
OK, apparently I'm done. Getting online even long enough to post this is causing my body to remind me that the break I took was _not_ long enough, and something more concrete needs to be done. So I go.