wispfox: (Default)
And my curiosity appears to be back and _staying_ back. This appears to be strongly correlated to how chipper I'm being.

for politeness )

OKQ

May. 9th, 2013 10:39 pm
wispfox: (Default)
OKCupid finds the most fabulous people! (and apparently the word 'fabulous' is itself 'fabulous')

Regardless of whether or not there is dating potential (which I often don't know immediately), I find excellent people on there.

I just had a lovely dinner with a couple of women who are married to each other (why does 'married women' not sound right there? I need more words) and who OKQ put each of in my quiver (small world, OKQ, small world). And wandering around Harvard with them (one of whom has a direction sense! Yay, direction senses!) was fun, too. The fish in the Charles are spawning, just like the fish in my pond. :)

And rain! OMG, rain! Which didn't fall on us while wandering around Harvard, but is totally making my garden much, much happier!

Now, though, sleepy. Yes.
wispfox: (Default)
Got to see and be at least a little cuddly with [livejournal.com profile] underwatercolor, [livejournal.com profile] weegoddess, [livejournal.com profile] minerva42, and a couple of people who have no lj that I am aware of.

And then, today, 4 hours of quiet chatting and some cuddling with [livejournal.com profile] weegoddess, who also got to chat with [livejournal.com profile] galaneia a fair bit. :)

And, [livejournal.com profile] metahacker was kind enough to help with my "I am so low on cuddle and now aware of it oh god I can't sleep" problems late last night. It's like opening a door and finding a Gaping Chasm Of Doom (or, in this case, painfully aching need for touch)! I definitely need more people to cuddle with regularly, though, as it can be a bit hard on him to only really have [livejournal.com profile] metahacker to get cuddles from. Like if he's overpeopled or it's too warm or whatever, you know?

Tomorrow, start volunteering at the lab I'm going to be helping with. Should be good, and it'll be nice to figure out a reasonable schedule (likely not full time, since that's not great for me when I am being paid, let alone when not,). Will also start trying to figure out where to apply to, no matter how much I do not want to apply agaaaaaain.

Did a bit of painting of the porch railing, with more to come. [livejournal.com profile] metahacker finished painting the trim in the back room, and adjusted the arrangement of the furniture in that room. It looks fabulous, I think.
wispfox: (Default)
As a side effect of having spent the last year going crazy with my masters program, and having just turned in what I hope to be my final draft to my adviser, I have not had the energy to be social. Right now, I expect some modifications to be requested from my adviser, and to send it to my second reader for feedback, but the major push is done with.

And so, today, having turned that in on Thursday and actually managed to sleep last night, I'm aware of being _wickedly_ low on social interaction. Sadly for me, most of the people I know tend to be booked up, plus Firefly is this weekend, plus at least one possible social outlet has a fever which they do not wish to give me. So, no social for me. (I was also interested in social last night, but hadn't yet slept decently)

It's novel to realize just how little social I've been getting, and that I have the energy and brain space to want to do something about it.

I clearly need to start visiting and being visited by people again! But with slightly more notice than, um, none. ;)
wispfox: (Default)
I do not get enough cuddling in my life. Currently, it's basically only [livejournal.com profile] metahacker. [livejournal.com profile] jasra and I are working on it, on our end. The fact that I will tend to forget to be cuddly with people if I've not been doing enough cuddling does not help.

One of the best things about the wedding I just attended was feeling comfortable saying to a couple of women I had just met that I would like to be cuddling them. And then, we did so. One was more comfortable with cuddling than the other, I suspect due purely to experience with it. But. Cuddles. Cuddles with no purpose beyond simple touch.

Also, fabulous dog whose purpose in life is to be cuddly (literally, that's what she's being trained for). :)

I really, really miss contexts in which the cultural norm of 'touch must be sexual or at least have a sexual overtone' has been subverted. I mean, I don't tend to be cuddly with people if I'm not attracted to them somehow or another ("attracted" as in "drawn to" or "fascinated by" or "want to know better" - no specific goal beyond that), but it feels like a world of difference between "hey, you're nifty" and "My only purpose for touching you is because I want to get into your pants at the earliest possible opportunity". The attendees at this weekend's wedding, thankfully basically free of that cultural norm. So, I actually let hugs last as long as they would naturally do so. And didn't feel uncomfortable at random back massages as part of hugs (and indeed gave such as part of hugs myself). I am not trying to suggest that there was no interest, just that it wasn't the point of the touch.

I'm also _utterly_ delighted by the fact that, unlike usual, one of the women there was first to suggest the idea of trading contact information. It can get very, very tiring to always be the one asking for more interaction with interesting women, y'know? (I'm typically not as drawn to lengthen interactions with men, and the fact that I'm acutely aware of not dating any women appears to only have increased this trend more toward finding women more interesting) I think the last woman who was first to suggest more interactions (or perhaps mutual of said) after our first interaction was [livejournal.com profile] jasra. (and before that was [livejournal.com profile] the_xtina)

I can never tell if that's because they are shy to suggest more interaction, there is not sufficiently strong mutual fascination, or what. And I often feel like I come on too strong when I find someone fascinating, which rarely helps when interacting with a woman.
wispfox: (Default)
Many, many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] whispercricket, [livejournal.com profile] teinedreugan, and [livejournal.com profile] jasra for packing help yesterday, and to [livejournal.com profile] hfcougar for pre-painting wall cleaning today! I keep having an urge to thank people when I see them; when you consider that I live with [livejournal.com profile] hfcougar, it turns out that I have to bite my tongue a lot or risk being annoying.

But help! Yay help! And company! (which I also have sometimes when [livejournal.com profile] metahacker and I pack things together, like today. :)

In theeeeory, [livejournal.com profile] galaneia returns tomorrow. In practice we'll see; they've said this for three days now.
wispfox: (Default)
It's becoming rather clear just how much my previous job was eating my brain, and not in healthy ways.

Went to Psinging and an End of Summer party this weekend, and I'm happily and comfortably social again! I mean, yes, part of it is season. However, I was not nearly this socially energetic for many years previous in summertime. I'm sure part is also my travels, mind you.

There were many people I've not seen in a while, and not just because I was wandering around for three months. And, while definitely tired when we got home, I stayed happily much into the firespinning part of the party.

It's not fun having no spending money, to be sure. But I _have_ enough money to not work for 2.5 years, and spending this year trying to improve my chances of getting in - rather than getting wait-listed - seems a good use of my time. It also means that the time and energy I will need to spend to apply again will be _available_ and not so intensely stressful as last year.

It's such a relief to no longer be working at a job that was never expected to be a long-term thing. Sure, I'm good at QA. That doesn't mean it's good for me. And my volunteering job, where I'm helping with research, is _fantastic_. I truly enjoy the process of collecting and exploring data, even when it's not my own research. I may even be to the point soon of being able to help with data collection without the researcher present, which means that I can help with that part when she's in the class that she's TA'ing.

Theoretically, we will be figuring out a set schedule for me soon, so that I have a chance of doing some work on the side so I have spending money again. Discussions with [livejournal.com profile] metahacker strongly suggest that I should be figuring out ways to tutor people. Not clear yet on what to do, how, or with whom, but there are leads to follow.

Unrelatedly, discussions with my parents while I was visiting them indicate that I have brain records at Mass General. I really need to print out their form to try to get ahold of those, as I'm curious! I apparently had a very very studied brain as a young child.

Now, I shall see about getting ahold of post-David Tennant season of Doctor Who. *is behind*
wispfox: (introspective)
This post has been percolating for a while, largely because winter is making itself known in my mood.

and so I contemplate )
wispfox: (Default)
... is that I know exactly what I'm seeing when I see it.

And just how much I can't do about it.

I listen, though.

I can do that, to an extent. But only to an extent, this being why I'm _not_ going into any sort of therapy career.

I just... mrr. I don't know. It's hard to watch. It's harder to pretend I don't see, so I don't go that route.

I see you. I hear you. I listen.

I'm sorry.
wispfox: (Default)
Settling in, starting to figure out where I need to put more structure (it's _so_ strange having three housemates, and living with a partner), and what I'm likely to drive myself crazy with if I'm not careful.

Main problem? Figuring out how to not over-socialize myself between work and home. At least it's summer, so I have time to adjust when I'm _not_ intensely anti-social! This includes time to play silly computer games, both social ones (WoW) and not (NWN2), read, and play outside when it's nice out. This _also_ includes time for working on grad school applications stuff. At least working from home two days a week means that I can get small tidying and such done during work breaks and lunch, and not have to do _that_ during my minimal available time. (I had no idea how much time I had due to being undersocialized!)

Beginning stages of GRE prep. I don't have to take the CS subject one, and I don't _have_ to (but probably should) take the Psych subject one.

A little too early to do much with the applications themselves. Should start essays, though.

Changing from swimming Tuesday and Friday nights to weekday mornings. Second day of this; so far, so good! Hard getting up earlier, but it does mean that I have more _time_ in the evenings. Also, getting into a habit of swimming is a really, really good thing. It's probably one of the few forms of exercise that I won't get bored with. However, it's a hard adjustment and I'm _exhausted_ in the evenings. Hopefully that will adjust.

But having more weeknight time again _should_ mean I can actually go visit people in addition to existing weekly scheduled interaction times. Which will be nice!
wispfox: (Default)
Can has had party (_is_ there a lolcat past tense?!). And much cuddling. And much kissing. And also remembering that I do in fact have functional hands with which to be physically affectionate with many peoples.

There were many nifty people. Both games I brought got played. There was good time with [livejournal.com profile] metahacker and there were many random massages given because my hands mostly work again!

Now, there is to be waiting for my food to finish cooking. And OMG, tired. Probably partly due to raaaaaain & clouds. And a late night Saturday night.

There is to be an empty room into which I can move, soon.

But now, working until my food is done cooking, and then food, and then working again.
wispfox: (Default)
Can has had party (_is_ there a lolcat past tense?!). And much cuddling. And much kissing. And also remembering that I do in fact have functional hands with which to be physically affectionate with many peoples.

There were many nifty people. Both games I brought got played. There was good time with [livejournal.com profile] metahacker and there were many random massages given because my hands mostly work again!

Now, there is to be waiting for my food to finish cooking. And OMG, tired. Probably partly due to raaaaaain & clouds. And a late night Saturday night.

There is to be an empty room into which I can move, soon.

But now, working until my food is done cooking, and then food, and then working again.
wispfox: (Default)
There is a post bubbling away beneath the surface of my thoughts which may or may not manage to come out in this post, as a result of the combination of [livejournal.com profile] metahacker's post on cuddling and affection with friends-who-are-not-necessarily-lovers, and [livejournal.com profile] figmentj's post on dating when not seen as an audition.

It took me a very long time to understand that, for most people, and in the context of typical societal norms, cuddling was assumed to be sexual. Touch at all - beyond a handshake - was assumed to be an expression of sexual interest.

An additional difficulty with wrapping my head around this concept is that my line between finding someone interesting and wanting to seek them out and spend more time with them, and being sexually attracted to them is very thin. And, people who I find interesting enough to actively seek out are people I would like to cuddle, and there is probably at least some amount of sexual attraction there. It's not quite true that everyone that I'm close to and seek out and am cuddly with is also someone that I have some sexual attraction to, but it's very close.

But having that attraction does not mean that I - or they - have time, energy, sufficient levels of attraction, or even necessarily are aware of it. So, for me, cuddling is _not_ automatically a sexual thing - and has never been - and the idea of there always being a sexual aspect to touch and cuddling is a hard one for me to grasp. However, it does seem true that, at some level at least, whatever nebulous concepts sexual attraction contains is frequently involved in whose touch I seek out.

Also in whose touch I am not comfortable with. If there is any level of sexual content in cuddling for another person and I am not interested in going there, I will not be comfortable cuddling them. This does not even need to mean that they are aware of said context, so I am not entirely sure how I can tell, sometimes. If I can't tell, I will tend to err on the side of caution, so if I can't read a person, I will generally not touch them. Too much cultural baggage tied up in touch, especially cross-gender. This was a very, very hard-learned lesson.

The frsutrating part about this, though, is that I do still find myself hugging people, sometimes, because the social costs of not doing so are more than I can handle right now. This frustrates me when I do it, and is usually a good sign I'm not actually up to group social interactions.

So many things meant by 'attraction', even 'sexual attraction'. So much tangled up in that concept, and the related concepts of the process of sexual entanglement and dating.

Why does [edited to add: anyone believe that] it need[s] to be true that touch and cuddling are completely unrelated to attraction in order for them to be non-sexual? Attraction may often, and possibly usually, contain sexual desire, but that isn't the only thing in there. That isn't the only possible context for touch between adults! Including adults who _are_ sexually involved with each other.
wispfox: (Default)
There is a post bubbling away beneath the surface of my thoughts which may or may not manage to come out in this post, as a result of the combination of [livejournal.com profile] metahacker's post on cuddling and affection with friends-who-are-not-necessarily-lovers, and [livejournal.com profile] figmentj's post on dating when not seen as an audition.

It took me a very long time to understand that, for most people, and in the context of typical societal norms, cuddling was assumed to be sexual. Touch at all - beyond a handshake - was assumed to be an expression of sexual interest.

An additional difficulty with wrapping my head around this concept is that my line between finding someone interesting and wanting to seek them out and spend more time with them, and being sexually attracted to them is very thin. And, people who I find interesting enough to actively seek out are people I would like to cuddle, and there is probably at least some amount of sexual attraction there. It's not quite true that everyone that I'm close to and seek out and am cuddly with is also someone that I have some sexual attraction to, but it's very close.

But having that attraction does not mean that I - or they - have time, energy, sufficient levels of attraction, or even necessarily are aware of it. So, for me, cuddling is _not_ automatically a sexual thing - and has never been - and the idea of there always being a sexual aspect to touch and cuddling is a hard one for me to grasp. However, it does seem true that, at some level at least, whatever nebulous concepts sexual attraction contains is frequently involved in whose touch I seek out.

Also in whose touch I am not comfortable with. If there is any level of sexual content in cuddling for another person and I am not interested in going there, I will not be comfortable cuddling them. This does not even need to mean that they are aware of said context, so I am not entirely sure how I can tell, sometimes. If I can't tell, I will tend to err on the side of caution, so if I can't read a person, I will generally not touch them. Too much cultural baggage tied up in touch, especially cross-gender. This was a very, very hard-learned lesson.

The frsutrating part about this, though, is that I do still find myself hugging people, sometimes, because the social costs of not doing so are more than I can handle right now. This frustrates me when I do it, and is usually a good sign I'm not actually up to group social interactions.

So many things meant by 'attraction', even 'sexual attraction'. So much tangled up in that concept, and the related concepts of the process of sexual entanglement and dating.

Why does [edited to add: anyone believe that] it need[s] to be true that touch and cuddling are completely unrelated to attraction in order for them to be non-sexual? Attraction may often, and possibly usually, contain sexual desire, but that isn't the only thing in there. That isn't the only possible context for touch between adults! Including adults who _are_ sexually involved with each other.
wispfox: (happy)
Baby red pandas!

Simple Wikipedia

Getting good time, chatting, and cuddles with my cuddly wordsmith of a sweetie.

Going to the Butterfly Place with a quite gleeful, photo-taking [livejournal.com profile] galaneia, where there were also some utterly adorable tiny birds. And hungry, hungry goldfish with gaping mouths.

It's almost not February anymore!

Snuggly, chatty [livejournal.com profile] jasra, and knowing that we will continue to see each other weekly when we are not roommates.

Being productive.

Having had a visit from [livejournal.com profile] randysmith last week, and getting time with [livejournal.com profile] majes this week.

Lasting slightly longer at a party of people I largely don't know than I expected to do, especially considering it was after spending time around small children at the Butterfly Place.

Boxes. And filling them with stuff.

Realizing that my wrist was cranky because it wanted more (non-computer) use, not because the computer use was itself problematic to the point of danger.

Sunlight.

Actually feeling my sleep meds kick in last night and being sleepy because of it (means my brain isn't going too fast for them to counteract).
wispfox: (happy)
Baby red pandas!

Simple Wikipedia

Getting good time, chatting, and cuddles with my cuddly wordsmith of a sweetie.

Going to the Butterfly Place with a quite gleeful, photo-taking [livejournal.com profile] galaneia, where there were also some utterly adorable tiny birds. And hungry, hungry goldfish with gaping mouths.

It's almost not February anymore!

Snuggly, chatty [livejournal.com profile] jasra, and knowing that we will continue to see each other weekly when we are not roommates.

Being productive.

Having had a visit from [livejournal.com profile] randysmith last week, and getting time with [livejournal.com profile] majes this week.

Lasting slightly longer at a party of people I largely don't know than I expected to do, especially considering it was after spending time around small children at the Butterfly Place.

Boxes. And filling them with stuff.

Realizing that my wrist was cranky because it wanted more (non-computer) use, not because the computer use was itself problematic to the point of danger.

Sunlight.

Actually feeling my sleep meds kick in last night and being sleepy because of it (means my brain isn't going too fast for them to counteract).
wispfox: (Default)
Meeting nifty people is a goodness.

Having my social circle remind me that it is _VERY VERY SMALL_ is just funny. Also, brain-hurty. But mostly funny. :)

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