wispfox: (Asanii)
I'm not clear on how I can be exhausted at 8p and go to bed, then spend two hours being too warm but too tired to do anything about it, then hungry and eat food and fix the blankets then too cold and then not enough weight and seriously, sleep?

Awake at 6a, also, for no apparent reason.

I may be a bit dazed today! 
wispfox: (Default)
I don't think this is just because of season or boredom with excess amounts of coding at my volunteer job, but damned if I know what it _is_.

Awake is hard. I'm doing it, and I'm at school, but want to sleep or at least doze. And drink lots of water.

*grumble*

Gotta say, though, Saturday's party was delightful. :)

grumble

Jun. 7th, 2012 10:26 am
wispfox: (Default)
Apparently I have no stamina. I can't tell if I'm sick, overwhelmed, or depressed.

Unfortunately, it's translating to wanting to do anything _but_ my thesis work, which needs to be at a final draft stage before mid-July when my adviser is gone for three weeks. And it's due as in needs to be done and approved by my adviser and second reader by early August. And I just Don't Want To.

Mostly, just tired. Don't really want to do much of anything, and spent last weekend mostly sleeping (which probably means I'm actually sick). I think I may also be sleeping for crap, which may be due to the fact that I have a time pressure that I'm aware of and I feel like I'm not really doing enough about.

Grumble.

Yes, I've done a little meditation, mostly while trying to fall asleep. Not sure if it's helping.
wispfox: (Default)
Yeah, I knew you were lurking, but busy with school then stupid cold masked it.

But, y'know, when I find myself dissatisfied and cranky with all of my options, and don't want to go to bed even though i'm tired, it really make me wonder.

And between school & research project & proposal for said project & needing to apply for next year & daily house stuff (and thankfully not food prep for at school, thank you [livejournal.com profile] galaneia!), i'm using a lot of willpower regularly. So my normal sweets cravings are truly absurd, and things that I would normally say are too sweet are still tasty, i'm having a lot of trouble with wanting to eat the everything that is sweet. Constantly. I'll try my seasonal dark chocolate in the morning & hope it helps, because very few sweets are low Cal foods, since most are not just sweet. So I get to need willpower when trying to help my willpower and other brain sugar things. Joy.

But I must try to sleep, much as that, too is a donwanna.

Mrr.

Update

Jan. 11th, 2011 08:35 am
wispfox: (Default)
All but one application done, the remaining one being rolling admissions.

House closing was yesterday, house is now ours.

And so, people to call, many things to do.

Last night, ended up coming home around 5p and passing out until midnight, when I got up to get a small snack and pills. And then passing out again until around 6. Slept a little bit more, and got up at 8. I'm going to say I'm sick, since there's still lingering exhaustion behind the "omg, stop lying in bed!" that my body is doing.

So, going to go to CVS, get scripts filled, and probably sleep more. Sigh. Also, my head hurts.

And also, HOUSE!
wispfox: (Default)
+++++It's _gorgeous_ out.

+++++I'm sleeping.

+++++Let me repeat that one. I'm sleeping.

++[livejournal.com profile] metahacker's suggestion of liquid pepto-bismo appears to be helping with the acid problems from the sleeping meds.

?So does eating enough, but I worry that I'll eat too much in order to not have acid problems. (this med has weight gain as a potential side effect. I wonder if preventing acid problems is why!)

+It's not February.

+There was a random person walking on the side of the road on my way into work with _gorgeous_ long hair.

-acid problems

-I'm still seasonally affected, though it may not be february, and I keep forgetting this (I hate transition states).
wispfox: (Default)
And today, I have been inexplicably wide awake since 3:15a. Also, my head hurts. It's much too early to be awake when I know I hadn't yet fallen asleep at 11:00.

Health.sad

Feb. 2nd, 2010 11:04 pm
wispfox: (Default)
Through much conversation with [livejournal.com profile] metahacker wherein, among other things, it was determined that I needed a different type of interaction than typical for when in distress, I am significantly less down than earlier. Also, not sick. I didn't actually realize how sick I was.

Fwiw. Now, sleep.
wispfox: (Default)
Realizing that I might be able to get a recommendation from a professor from undergrad who knows me decently well, rather than one from someone who doesn't really know me well, so I actually have two decent academic recommendations. And, when I pinged the professor, being remembered without prompting. (Yes, I sometimes forget that I'm memorable. Being poor at remembering people doesn't help, mind you)

Working on essays for grad school is startlingly easy, for the most part. (less so the parts where I feel like I do not know enough, but that's something that can be worked on.) I do sometimes forget that, while I don't really write stories, I am a decent writer. At least on a computer (I lose track of what I'm saying if it's on paper)

I may not yet be at a point where I'm adjusted to my sleep ability without ativan, but I am at least no longer getting up every hour or two during the night. (once or twice is much better than every hour or two!)

When I remember to take it, migraine meds _work_. (now we just need to make sure that I don't get addicted to the caffeine in them, since until I sleep better I need them every morning)

Hugs. Also, hugs.

Continuing to see [livejournal.com profile] jasra regularly.

Living with [livejournal.com profile] metahacker.

Living with [livejournal.com profile] galaneia.

Making tasty stir-fry with [livejournal.com profile] galaneia's help.

The sheer glee with which [livejournal.com profile] hfcougar reacts to NSPy's antics. Glee!

Kitty!

OMG, Cataclysm.

Inspiring [livejournal.com profile] starandrea.
wispfox: (Default)

Sometimes headaches are very strange things. The ones I get when I sleep poorly are the strangest I ever get. They pretend to be sinuses, but migrane meds are the only thing that touches them.

Today, though, the pain was confusing and not only pain. True, there's pain, and a lot of it. But there's also... A discomnnect between my eyes and my brain, completely screwing with my hand-eye coordination and making reading actively difficult. It's like things simply are not where they appear to be.

If I weren't also light sensitive and in a fair bit of pain, this would be entertaining in its strangeness.

At least my mood has lifted from this morning's, many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] metahacker.

various

Aug. 19th, 2009 10:25 am
wispfox: (Default)
I had forgotten that my pre-sleeping time used to be taken by my brain processing the day's events. But, now that I'm going to bed closer to 11 than 10, I seem to take about an hour doing that, then sleep. Which is way better than taking two hours to fall asleep!

I think I'm starting to adjust back to this sleep schedule, although the fact that I've taken anti-migraine meds the past couple mornings - which include caffeine - make it harder to be sure if that's the case.

Unfortunately, there were a couple of things I wanted to write down right before sleeping last night, but refused to get up and do so. And now I can't remember. Ah, well, they'll come back. I think. :)

It's funny that chatting with the receptionist on a regular basis means that I just got half her blueberry muffin, which was very tasty. Dunno; that just seems like such a lonely (and often boring) job, especially at a company full of introverts!

Car goes to regular maintenance tomorrow. I love that the place I go, recommended forever ago by [livejournal.com profile] catya, is about a 10-15 minute walk, at max. So on days I WFH, I can drive there, drop it off, and walk home.

Starting work on essays; I'm having a difficult time remembering that it doesn't matter if I necessarily have what I think of as required experience in Psychololgy - since my undergrad was not Psychology - it's still worth applying. Especially to programs that are precisely what I'm looking for. Will be hard to not sell myself short, as I hate selling myself in the first place even when I _do_ feel qualified.

Still highly uncertain about the HCI program, since it _will_ involve at least some programming. But, it's the one I'm most confident about making it into, since my undergrad was in CS and all my experience from the last almost 10 years is in computers. It's also the most likely option with which I would be able to find a relevant position after getting the PhD, since psych research would tend to mean academia, and those are not easy positions to get. Will apply, mind you, but... programming. And also a distinct lack of a break from CS, although it will still be a break from QA.

GRE in early October. Taking a break from studying to give my brain a rest. I'm fairly sure that I'm not going to do as well as I did when I was still in college, which is somewhat frustrating, but a fair amount of the math on the GRE involves things I have trouble with - word problems, visual representations of anything at all, and such. So it's frustrating to think that it will not actually reflect my math ability (consider that I had a TA in college try quite hard to convince me to change majors to math from CS). Ah, well. The verbal stuff I don't think I've worstened on, although anything additional gains in points will be difficult as I'm down to words that I'm having trouble memorizing. And I always have some trouble with the questions involving interpretation of the reading passages, since their wording is often perplexing.
wispfox: (Default)
So, I have no idea what I had last week, but it was _not_ fun.

While I suppose it's nice to have had the amount of food that I eat per meal reset, as I'd been having a difficult time figuring out where 'sufficient' actually was, I prefer to not have had this occur because I was nauseous every time I ate anything for most of a week. Also, a couple degrees of fever is far less entertaining when I don't get to have wacky dreams and instead they are all just disturbing or upsetting. Rude!

But also, the ativan had stopped having an effect that was sufficient to keep taking it, as I was taking forever to fall asleep. It was probably still causing me to sleep more deeply, though. But anyway, this means I've not taken it for a bit over a week, in the hopes of getting un-acclimated to it, and being able to return to the original reason that I first took it: to break cycles of not sleeping. This does, however, mean I cannot fall asleep before midnight, even if I go to bed at 10 (I think I'm going to go to bed at 11, so I spend less time irritated by failing to sleep, although I may change back if it turns out that I take 2 hours to fall asleep no matter what. I don't recall where normal was, for this, although I do recall that 11p was previously my bedtime in summer), that I have strange dreams and wake up every 1-2 hours all night because I'm sleeping that lightly, and that I'm awake earlier than I would prefer except when I was sick last week.

I did not actually _want_ to return to my previous-to-ativan difficulties with sleep, but oh well.

So I'm going to be constantly exhausted (not just tired, like had been usual), and will be driving as minimally as I can, because I'm not... entirely alert enough to be driving. On the plus side, I can take the bus to therapy!

*fuzzy brained*
wispfox: (Default)
I'm home in my bed, I sent mail to my parents about visiting them, I wrote notes on my whiteboard for things I need to do, I've been falling asleep far too easily mid-day for two days, why can't I sleep now?!

Feels like I forgot to do, or remind someone to do, something. I have no idea what.
wispfox: (Default)
Being reminded that I have restless legs, which had apparently been being masked by previous constant anti-inflams.

Not being awake enough to _take_ an aleve before it was far too late to actually be able to get any sleep.

My phone failing to be useful. (someone just texted me! Gah!)

Other people's emotional states being something I have to care about (can we say 'emotionally raw'? I knew we could!). The degree to which this is problematic right now? The bickering of the party members in Neverwinternights 2 made me want to kill them (since without a party my character would not survive, this makes actually playing the game not a fun thing right now). WoW is also a problem, because I don't want to interact with anyone and being in a guild means that I see what people say. I never did figure out how to temporarily turn _off_ guild chat...

Grrr. I hate people right now, so comments are off.

So. Tired.

Mar. 17th, 2009 02:35 pm
wispfox: (Default)
So, I was almost certainly sick last week. (it's winter. It happens. A lot.)

I think I'm healthy again, except... I keep having terrible nightmares. And waking up at really early times of the morning. This morning wasn't _horribly_ early, although it was definitely a horrible nightmare (and I'm curiously reluctant to talk about it; started and stopped email about it twice so far today), and I snuck in to snuggle [livejournal.com profile] jasra before getting up to go to work.

I'd say I'm stressed, except that I don't think I _am_ particularly. Enough with the nightmares, already! Especially since they aren't even ones that seem to relate to current reality!

Mrf. At any rate. Tired. Very much so.

So. Tired.

Mar. 17th, 2009 02:35 pm
wispfox: (Default)
So, I was almost certainly sick last week. (it's winter. It happens. A lot.)

I think I'm healthy again, except... I keep having terrible nightmares. And waking up at really early times of the morning. This morning wasn't _horribly_ early, although it was definitely a horrible nightmare (and I'm curiously reluctant to talk about it; started and stopped email about it twice so far today), and I snuck in to snuggle [livejournal.com profile] jasra before getting up to go to work.

I'd say I'm stressed, except that I don't think I _am_ particularly. Enough with the nightmares, already! Especially since they aren't even ones that seem to relate to current reality!

Mrf. At any rate. Tired. Very much so.
wispfox: (happy)
Baby red pandas!

Simple Wikipedia

Getting good time, chatting, and cuddles with my cuddly wordsmith of a sweetie.

Going to the Butterfly Place with a quite gleeful, photo-taking [livejournal.com profile] galaneia, where there were also some utterly adorable tiny birds. And hungry, hungry goldfish with gaping mouths.

It's almost not February anymore!

Snuggly, chatty [livejournal.com profile] jasra, and knowing that we will continue to see each other weekly when we are not roommates.

Being productive.

Having had a visit from [livejournal.com profile] randysmith last week, and getting time with [livejournal.com profile] majes this week.

Lasting slightly longer at a party of people I largely don't know than I expected to do, especially considering it was after spending time around small children at the Butterfly Place.

Boxes. And filling them with stuff.

Realizing that my wrist was cranky because it wanted more (non-computer) use, not because the computer use was itself problematic to the point of danger.

Sunlight.

Actually feeling my sleep meds kick in last night and being sleepy because of it (means my brain isn't going too fast for them to counteract).
wispfox: (happy)
Baby red pandas!

Simple Wikipedia

Getting good time, chatting, and cuddles with my cuddly wordsmith of a sweetie.

Going to the Butterfly Place with a quite gleeful, photo-taking [livejournal.com profile] galaneia, where there were also some utterly adorable tiny birds. And hungry, hungry goldfish with gaping mouths.

It's almost not February anymore!

Snuggly, chatty [livejournal.com profile] jasra, and knowing that we will continue to see each other weekly when we are not roommates.

Being productive.

Having had a visit from [livejournal.com profile] randysmith last week, and getting time with [livejournal.com profile] majes this week.

Lasting slightly longer at a party of people I largely don't know than I expected to do, especially considering it was after spending time around small children at the Butterfly Place.

Boxes. And filling them with stuff.

Realizing that my wrist was cranky because it wanted more (non-computer) use, not because the computer use was itself problematic to the point of danger.

Sunlight.

Actually feeling my sleep meds kick in last night and being sleepy because of it (means my brain isn't going too fast for them to counteract).

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